As I was saying, rompers combine everything I love in style: with just one piece, you look put together â€” itâ€™s simple and casual, all you have to do is add a pair of heels and a few accessories, and youâ€™re the coolest girl at the party, which is, as you know, my ultimate goal in life.
But I have one question. Can you still be the coolest girl at the party when you don’t go out DESPITE those fifteen mortifying minutes, that little moment of solitude and exile, that brief moment when you close yourself behind the door ofâ€¦the bathroom stall?
I mean, itâ€™s not like this happened to me, of course, not at all, itâ€™s not the kind of thing that happens to me, but just imagine, imagine for a secondâ€¦
Letâ€™s say theyâ€™re usual toilets â€” thereâ€™s plenty of space, theyâ€™re as clean as they can be. (Donâ€™t want to seem too dramatic with the decor.)
Letâ€™s say thereâ€™s a young woman, you know â€” just any young woman. And she happens to be wearing a short romper, and itâ€™s mid-spring, so sheâ€™s also wearing: tights, a belt, a blazer, a hand bag, and a camera strap over her shoulder (any resemblance to actual persons is, may I remind you, purely coincidental).
The beautiful (what?) young woman arrives and closes the door to the stall delicately behind her, and looks for a place to put down her bag. No luck.
She wonâ€™t hang it on the handle, as sheâ€™s done 350 times before, because every time, the same thing happens when someone tries to open the door: all her precious belongings go crashing to the floor â€” mineral powder, chewing gum, and phone included.
Come on, letâ€™s be nice with the poor, beautiful, sweet young lady â€” letâ€™s add a hook on the bathroom door and move on.
Phew. The poor beautiful young lady hangs up her bag. Then she takes off her camera.
Ah. Her bag is already taking up all the space on the hook, the bugger. She removes her bag, hangs up the camera, then, satisfied with herself, says itâ€™s time to move on to Phase 2.
Phase 2. The time when, with a romper, in order to take off the bottoms, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE TOP OFF FIRST.
The poor beautiful slightly annoyed young lady (letâ€™s call her the PBSAYL â€” this post is already about to break record lengths, so letâ€™s not add to it, my apologies in advance) â€” so, she canâ€™t even hope to keep her blazer on for this little trip to the bathroom which is starting to take an eternity.
Our PBSAYL (starting to sweat now) is really tempted to just grab her heels and get out of there, but a whole afternoon of romping awaits. No, she MUST persevere.
There really isnâ€™t room on the hook. Too bad. Feeling desperate, she decides to hold her blazer in one hand and continues on.
Now comes the time to take off the top of the romper, which, for this particular piece of clothing, is not done from the top, nor from the bottom, but from the side, keeping in mind, need I remind you, that the sides are attached to the bottom. Yep, rompers are pretty much like political geography.
This is the time to dig up old memories from break dance class. Sidneyâ€™s spirit is invoked, and, though a little surprised to find himself in these circumstances, he puts on his game face and gives our PBSAYLPS (PS = pouring sweat)) a hand.
Victory. Three angels arrive to accompany this miraculous moment with their crystalline voices. She managed to get out of her romper.
So sheâ€™s half naked, pouring sweat, accompanied by the spirit of Sidney, and three angels she wouldnâ€™t have known from Adam or Eve 5 minutes ago (ok – 20 minutes) are singing their heads off in the bathroom.
With her 300 pound bag balancing on the hook above her head, her blazer in one hand, her belt in the other (aaaaah I forgot about the belt!!! Ok, you guys will have to add the belt back into the story, ok?), and the top of the romper between her teeth because if she doesn’t hold onto it, it will undoubtedly drop straight to the floor of this questionable place.
What, do I seem irritated?
Yes, Iâ€™m irritated. Even though this story is inspired by real events that did not actually happen to me. People get attached to the characters in their stories, you know.
But I want to make an exception for this heroine, though. Come on, the PBSAYLPS is getting annoying with all her fussing. We might as well just leave her alone with her problems. Come on, letâ€™s go get a drink. Sidney â€” moonwalk, and you angel guys â€” spread your wings and shut up, letâ€™s get out of here.
But realize that even now, she hasnâ€™t gotten to Phase 3 â€” the bottoms. And for those of you who are familiar with girls and bathrooms, thatâ€™s usually where the difficulties begin. Yes, you know, come on. Come on. You know? And then afterward, you have to do everything all over again, in reverse â€” backwards break dance included.
So there you have it. For those of you who may still be interested in where I found my two favorite rompers, they happen to be from Mango. The one I designed is still in stores and looks amazing, the other one is at the Mango Outlet for â‚¬18.95 and that alone is amazing.
For those of you who are still interested, I mean. Go on, moonwalk! Have a great day!
Translated by Andrea Perdue