-Allô ma chérie? It’s mother. So how is it going? Got your feet back on the ground yet? How were the fashion weeks?
-Oh goodness, I really thought about you a lot. You remember your shoulder pads? The ones I used to make fun of with your Mugler coat? Well, so yeah, I saw them everywhere. Really, thought I was hallucinating… thought maybe it was just a thing for the catwalks. I always thought that there are some things you just get rid of, bury forever. But apparently not.
-What do you mean? The shoulder pads were so great! Don’t you see it? They give form to the body, make you look thinner, turn you into a goddess! We used to wear them under everything, even t-shirts. Back in the day, I had a whole velcro system worked out. Otherwise you had Martine, oh my, she used to squeeze them underneath her bra straps to keep them in place. Posed a bit of a problem if she went home with anyone.
Robe inspirée d’une… Balmain, of course !
Yeah and then you had Corinne. Corinne… Oh Corinne, she used to wear 4 of ‘em. Two on her shoulders and two in her bra!
We used to love that. And we do our hair all up, lookin’ all pretty and Vrammmm Vraammmm, strutin’ our stuff down the street like robots.
-Wait, ma, what’re talkin’ about? Why would anyone want to strut like a robot?
-Bah okay, you just don’t get it. That was the definition of woman at the time. We had to do everything for ourselves. We just finished of the 70s and instead of just being liberated now, we had to do twice as much : the kids, the job, had to be beautiful, and through it all, you had to enjoy yourself… If you didn’t have the craziest sex life imaginable, you were the worst of the worst. Alors ouais, We were a little like robots.
So we spent our time working, and then going out, and we showed everyone how happy we were in our success. With our shoulder pads.
So this is why our greatest fear was our shoulder pads falling out of place. There you are, struttin’ it with everything you got in your queen of the world outfit, Vrammm Vrammmm, in the street, like a robot, and then your shoulder pads goes and falls out of place. You look like an idiot.
The worst is in the club. You’re in the middle of the floor, dancing it up, arms in the air to Michael Jackson with your Michael Jackson outfit, when bam, velcro system failure, shoulder pad in the middle of the dance floor, total Thriller. Or even better, you find yourself with three breasts. Whoooops!
Oh wait no no no. The worst was this: leaving for a trip and forgetting your shoulder pads at home. That was the thing people called to remind you about. “Got your passport? Got your shoulder pads?” Oh la la. It happened to me once. What a tragedy! It’s like if you were to forget your cell phone today. You felt naked!
Ouais bon. So we were a little hysterical. At least we all had a good laugh.
-Great… Hey listen. You’ll be happy then, shoulder pads are making their comeback and for good!
-Me, happy about it? Ummm…. No, I’m good, I lived through it once. I can live without the wonder woman night & day this time around. I didn’t even tell you how after 10 years of Ironman silhouettes, when it was finally time to retire our shoulder pads, we felt so naked, we could barely leave the house… It was so dumb!
-No. No, I get it. I understand. Seriously. So tell me mama, do you, by any chance, still have your Mugler coat?
Translation : Tim Padraic Sullivan