You remember the day I talked to you about “fade-it like Daphné*?”
And so there you have it. It’s awesome, right? Too awesome.
So, my hair, it thought it was more or less cool.
OMFG! It’s all dried out! When I put my hands through my hair it stays in my hair!!! I went to Kiehls yesterday and bought a gallon of coconut conditioner and a family sized jar of the OLIVE OIL mask** and I decided I needed to get it cut right away.***
Moral of the story:”fade-it like Daphné” unfortunately, will stay just Daphné’s. Yarrr, Garance, you think you can just copy someone’s style like that? That it would be so easy? Okay, one more time, remember these words, “There’s no copying awesomeness… or attractiveness.****”
* Of course I’m talking about hair here. Daphné has nothing else faded.
** Please, NEVER try to put plain olive oil directly in your hair. My sister did it when she was 13, and SHE SMELLED LIKE MOZZARELLA AND TOMATOES FOR 3 WEEKS and every time she’d pass by, you felt like you needed to add a pinch of salt.
*** Of course, I still haven’t gone, because between then and now, MY COMPUTER CRASHED*.
**** Once again, a quote from my master, the venerable Kung Fu Panda**.
* I know, no, thank you, yes, all my condolences to myself, emergency, help, bring me back to life. This isn’t possible… It crashed. Blank black screen. I didn’t even cry. I sat there in a daze in the middle of my apartment, watching the pieces of my life fly away into nothingness, and I sent out an SOS. 10 days, Apple said to me.
10 days! NOT POSSIBILE!!! And then before the hour was up, I realized that life went on anyways, and if the great Manitou up above wants to take from me MY CAMERA AND MY COMPUTER, then maybe it’s a sign that it’s time for me to head into the forest to forge for mushrooms.
So I put on my Marc Jacobs mustache clogs. (we’re not savages here, now, are we…) and off I went.
No luck, on the trail atop my horse-drawn carriage from the Chanel show, the Apple repair guys (And no, I swear, I didn’t sleep with them)(I just cried in front of their window in a really short skirt) sent me a sext message (okay, maybe just a regular text message) saying that it was fixed, brand new since they changed out the mother board, AND ALL IN A DAY AND A HALF INSTEAD OF 10.
I think it was the most beautiful text message of my life.
As far as my return to nature, we’ll get to that later? Can I keep the mustache clogs?
** I know, I know. It’s high time for them to come out with Kung Fu Panda 2, my quote has you all exited. BUT WE DON’T NEED IT BECAUSE IT’S ALREADY THE ANSWER TO ALL OUR FASHION QUESTIONS.
Alright, on that note, don’t thank me for the overflowing generosity of this post, it’s all good and normal. A day and a half… damn… I missed you all.
Translation : Tim Sullivan