Skirts are all good and well but right now, there’s just too many choices. That is to say, in theory, you can wear every length, but when it comes down to it, for me, I end up with this:

- The micro-skirt. I love it. I have one that’s so short it’s pretty much a belt. When I have it on it looks like I’ve got 6 feet of legs, people take me for Nadja Auermann, all that stuff.
The Problem: The second I sit down. My skirts stays where it is. Just like a belt, you see where I’m going? And then there’s nothing between my ass-cheeks and the chair. Eeeewwww!

- The mini-skirt. I love it. It’s pretty, can be worn anywhere, it’s simple, timeless, beautiful, simple, not at all risky, it goes with everything, it’s timeless, beautiful, simple.
The Problem: It’s boring.

- The pencil-skirt. I love it. I have one that’s high-waisted, so beautiful. It’s so tight I feel like I spend the entire day taking baby steps. Dita would be so jealous.
The Problem : The baby steps. To have to take small steps at a time, that’s all good… if you have a chauffeur. And if you don’t have too many places to be.
The Problem : Oh, we’ve got work to do!

- The knee-length skirt. See pencil-skirt and then add +10 in terms of forced baby steps and -10 to the leg lengthening effect.
The Problem : Either you’re a bombshell and don’t work…
The Solution : …or you forget all about it.

- The calf-length-skirt. loose fitting, very 70s just like in my drawing. I love it. I bought a leather taupe one in a thrift shop, ohhh sublime. I pictured myself as Faye Dunaway in the 70s, hair in the wind, tons of super exciting stuff to do in my life, like, I dunno, in a film that would be called something like “Eyes of Laura Mars.”
The Problem : I don’t get it. But suddenly when I put it on, I look less like Faye Dunaway and more like Rhea Pearlman.

- The long-skirt. I love it. I totally felt this trend coming on way before you, pffffffu, but really, well before!!! I’ve had one in my closet for two years now.
The Problem : It still hasn’t left my closet.
The Problem : Makes me a shrink a foot shorter, just like that, poof!
The Problem : Get’s stuck in most taxi doors. Gives most stairs a good sweeping.
The Solution : Still yet to be found.

The Result : There’s only the mini left for. Yep, I won’t be starting any big trends anytime soon.

Translation: Tim Sullivan