The first days of fall* made me condense my morning outfit** questions to two possibilities : very very casual or very very effortless, a Californian uniform*** which soon made my boyfriend wince. You know, even if the man is very tolerant regarding fashion, he is nonetheless… A man.
I had to come up with a plan.
And as I was definitely unwilling to let go of my newfound comfort****, I found an extra smart ruse.
One morning, at 8 o’clock after my shower, I simply put on my yoga pants, my Nikes and a big sweater and I snuck behind my computer.
Scott looked at me and said : “Ah ! You’re going to yoga ?”
Smiling, I answered : “Yes !”
Suddenly I saw a weird expression on his face, and with an Sherlock Holmes eye, he asked me : “And what time exactly are you going to yoga ?”
My bragging smile wore off and I said : “Oh, a little later !”
He decided not to let go : “Noooooo, but really, what time ?”
Defeated, I answered : “All right. At 5.”
He looked at me and bursted out laughing : “You’re serioulsy going to stay in your yoga pants till 5 PM !!!??”
Not knowing what to say (and also because I hate to lose) I heard myself answer :
“Nooooo, but, mmmm, you know, you don’t know, you know, if you knew how people love my yoga pants, you wouldn’t say that. Guys look at me on the street 10 times more than with my usual outfits ! I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.”
Note from the Gaga : I swear it’s totally true, I myself can’t believe it but my walks from home to my yoga studio are like Impulse moments (its a French ad, check the video at the end of this post). Men can’t stop staring at me and construction workers stop working and taxis slow down around me. I don’t know exactly what signal my yoga outfit sends out (I have to ask my mom to analyze that asap) but if you are single put on your yoga pants and go walk in the street ! High heels, skirts, red lipstick ? Pfffff, who cares ?
“I am telling you, Scott, if you knew how people love my yoga pants, you wouldn’t say that. Guys look at me on the street 10 times more than with my usual outfits ! I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.”
A few hours later, we were on the street together, on the way to go grab a coffee. He was dressed as a proper Sartorialist, I was wearing my shameful yoga pants, jumping around him with my sneakers and laughing at his funny faces.
“Look, let me walk ten steps ahead of you and look at the guys’ reactions, and it’s going to change the way you look at yoga pants forever !”
And I jumped ten steps ahead of him.
That’s how, suddenly not being close to me, he was able to witness with his own eyes the Mysterious Allure Of The Yoga Pants.
And that’s also how I traumatized him. Each time I leave the appartment with my yoga pants on, I can see the shadow of worry on his face…
EPILOGUE : (To reassure my mom) everything’s good, I am back to normal outfits (I even wear shoes with hard soles !)(I mean if you consider Minnetonkas to have hard soles) Oh, and everybody has a right to have down times, right ?
*My huuuuge laziness.
** Well, you know, I am my own boss, so when I say morning, sometimes I also mean afternoon, too. Depends.
*** Sweatpants, big scarf and a huge Starbucks cup in my hands to make them look tiny*
**** Usually at that level my mother (who is a psychiatrist) would tell me that this is a pre-depressionary state and kick my butt to get back to normal dressing.
* This joke was stolen from the Uggtricin vaccine.
… And here is the Impulse ads. That music. Those looks. So funny.