Have you ever had it happen where you’re about to walk into an interview with an audience and your boyfriend jeans lose a button? Not just any button, but THE MAIN button? And then without the button, the jeans don’t stay on your (slender) hips whatsoever?
And then you’re forced to discretely keep your jeans up by non-nonchalantly having your hands in your pockets at all times?
Even when you have to shake someone’s hand?
Yep. Don’t know about you, but that definitely has happened to this girl. I’m NEVER going to give your the url of the interview. NEVER EVER EVER.
I was thinking about that awesomely embarrassing episode yesterday, telling myself that really, if I were a normal civilized girl, I would always have a safety pin on hand.
Cause really, imagine. It happened to my boyfriend jeans, but what if it would have been my shirt that had exploded in action, exposing my (curvy) cleavage? You only think about this sort of thing when it’s too late.
Yes. I should always have a safety pin on hand, and on top of that, I should have…
A mirror. Have you ever had a super important meeting right after eating a salad? Or like, a salad with parsley? Or like, an arugula salad?
A pack of gum. Or a garlicky salad?
A back up pair of tights. Because it always happens when you’re running to a romantic rendezvous (or an interview for your dream job) that a nail ruins your tights. It’s proof that you should always have…
A nail file. No seriously. Have you ever had a nail break in the middle of an important meeting and then every time you run your hands through your hair to be the totally interested but still sexy girl, your nail gets stuck in your hair and you can’t take your hand out without grimacing and pulling out 12 hairs?
And here you are saying to yourself, “Wait! All you have to do is tie up those pesky hair! There you go! Voilà!”
Yeah… Except the problem is that you should never leave home without…
A hair tie. Never. And when I don’t have a hair tie and I need to put my hair up for some sudden reason (my nail broke / I randomly sart having the feeling my hair is greasy (the horror!) / the wind turned my hair into a bird’s nest…), it’s just the worst. I can’t think of anything else and I start asking every girl around me to help me out, and of course, they NEVER have one either. I end up putting my hair up with the first thing I can find. A pen. An office rubber band, the kind you know you’ll NEVER be able to get out without screaming. A trombone. A bread-stick. The grissini kind. (Yes, my friends, a BREADSTICK!).
Not having a hair tie is just the worst.
Wait wait, no actually, the worst of the worst is not having a Kleenex when you have a cold. And at an important interview again, of course, or it wouldn’t be funny. Sniffle discreetly. And see the way people look at you with a combination of pity and exasperation.
Wait wait, no no no, the worst of the worst of the worst is forgetting your iPhone, and I say iPhone intentionally as an iPhone is 1738263538 times as indispensable as a Blackberry.
Because forgetting your iPhone is not only not missing calls, but it’s also:
- Feeling totally naked because I don’t know what to do with my fingers. I get bored. I actually THINK about stuff, a thing I haven’t done for about three years (since i got my first iPhone).
- Being totally clueless on the streets New York. Yes hello Googlemaps? It’s Garance and I’m as lost in Dumbo, come find me!!!
- Have the stupidest look on you face when you get to a meeting. (“And the reservation is under what name?”) because you forgot the name of the person you’re meeting. Normally, I’d just take a quick glance at my iCal. Pffff. So dumb.
And there you go. I’ve gotta make myself a little survival kit to have on me at all times starting… well… starting whenever I think to put the thing together! Mouahahaha!
What about you? What are your survival-tools-that-you’ll-never-leave-the-house-without?