Red lipstick, I hate you.

It looks like the return of red lipstick and I should be happy about it, because a good red is often all we need. Decent skin and some red lipstick and we’re good to go.

I’ve even worn it for a long time now. It saved me before parties in the past. Yep, but at the same time, I often get the urge to toss all my reds in the garbage. And I have to admit that nowadays, I barely ever wear red.

Because:

It puts you in rather compromising situations.

“Garance, ummm…Sorry to say it, but you have red lipstick on your teeth.”
Yeah, that happened as recently as Thursday, at my Kate Spade cocktail party. Luckily, I had someone nice enough (it’s not easy to tell someone you don’t know very well that there is lipstick on her teeth)
to tell me what was going on or else I would have taken all the photos with a big RED smile.

You can’t give any kisses.

And I love to give kisses. Big ones to my man, small ones to my friends, to everyone pretty much.

Except that afterward, I have to swipe their cheek. With my friends, that is…
Because when it comes to kissing my man with red lipstick, it’s NO WAY unless I want to find myself next to Robert Smith. Can you imagine Scott done up like Robert Smith?
Freaky!!!

(Here’s a video for you Cure-ignorant teenagers–look, I love Robert Smith. The Cure is one of the best groups ever made on the surface of the earth. If Robert ever showed up on my doorstep when I was 15, I would have married him right then and there. I would even have retouched his lipstick after kissing him…. No worries. Weird? Nope. It’s Robert Smith after all!)

It makes your lips look smaller.

You remember my video for Petit Bateau? I had crimson red lips. They looked normal but if you looked close IRL (In Real Life. Is that still a registered expression?), you would’ve seen that the red went beyond the edge of my lip line by like… an inch or two?

Yep, yeeeeeeeep. That’s just how we do it, all us actors.

Whatever.

… My makeup artist asked me if it was okay if he practiced subterfuge and I said OK, but every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was Big Ang and that didn’t necessarily do it for me.
(If you don’t know Big Ang, you’re missing out on a serious cultural treasure. Google it already! )

Yeah, because if you would’ve followed my actual lip line, it would’ve looked like Robert Smith’s super small tight mouth which is pretty much the exact opposite of sexy. (Except on Robert Smith, etc…)

The problem is that real life is no different… Red shrinks your lips.
But IRL, people can walk right up to you and see you up close.

You have to reapply it every 3 minutes.

Ok by that I mean, every hour.

If you’re like me and you like talking all the time, giving kisses, and having a glass of wine, you have to redo it constantly. And the problem is if you’re like me, you’re NOT going to go check your makeup in the middle of a party, and definitely not every single hour…

Then you end up with red lipstick just around the edges, ie: the least classiest thing in the world. And you’re not aware of it until you’re all the way back home.

So to conclude, red is great for photos. Or when you have lips as amazing as my friend Michele’s.

Who, when I look at this photo, makes me want to forget everything I’ve learned (drop the red) and find my audacity (All red all the time!) all over again.

Do you have any tips or is it goodbye to red lipstick for me forever?

Translation : Tim Sullivan