Pffffff, sometimes, really, we just get a little too comfortable. For me anyway, nothing can get me more than routine. I love routine. I roll around in routine. I make myself a little routine blanket, wrap it around myself, and fall back asleep.

But it had been going on way too long now. My life as a very low maintenance woman. By now, it’s my dude life. No, not even that. Dudes take better care of themselves than this. My life as, uhhhh, a cell phone maybe (???) (I was looking for something an idea to illustrate my low maintenancy and my phone just happened to be in front of me), okay, no.
Even my cell-phone has updates more often that I do.

Seriously now girls, what does not taking care of yourself mean? That we don’t love ourselves? If I maintain my blog better than I maintain myself, doesn’t it mean I have a problem? I say : yes.

Because honestly, it was getting real bad :

All my good habits had unraveled. My workout plan was down to a workout once a month (embarrassed smile to my yoga teacher) and scones every day (embarrassed smile to the barrista at Le Pain Quotidien). My hair is back to square one (or round one, as is probably more fitting as you know the shape of my bun) and new beauty problems had appeared. Like my skin, for example, could really go for a trip to the derm.

Or my teeth : I’ve been thinking for a while of having a little whitening done. I also need a good hair color, clean healthy nails, and yeah, you get it: I need to take care of myself.

I think, I think, I think, but I don’t do anything… It’s so much work!!!
Being on top of your game is a full time job.

And then one day, during fashion week, I decided it couldn’t go on any longer.
I’d hate myself each time I was looking in the mirror. I decided that this spring is going to be Garance Update time (you know, makeover time) and that it would be fun.

Ok. Here’s what’s on the menu.

Body

1/ A dietician has found her way into my life.

Like I’ve told you before, I love eating and am not looking to be skinny… But I just want to feel comfortable in my clothes (and that’s not the case anymore, my boyfriend jeans are fitting me, which is the biggest insult a boyfriend (jean) could ever dish out) and eat healthy.

My problem is that I’m always hungry, always!
The act of eating is my natural state. If I’m not eating I feel like I’m forgetting something.

I think you’ll agree that it’s a less than ideal situation if you’re trying to get back into your boyfriend jeans(???).

Why see a dietician? I know just as well as you do the basics on how to eat a well-balanced diet. But I’m trying to find a personalized program to follow, and the encouragement doesn’t hurt either.

I see my dietician every week now and we make little tiny changes in how I eat. It’s motivating.

I haven’t really lost any weight yet, but I like doing it slowly anyway. We can talk about this more if you want to. Sayyy itttt! You want it !

(first I was thinking of making a video Beyonce style, like a diet diary but then I didn’t)

2/ Working out… Omg, whatever.

First, you have to take into consideration that my goal in life is to do as little as possible, or if I have to, have as much fun as I can doing any kind of physical activity (that’s why I want to surf so much!)(But I’m scared too!)(So I draw surfers!) and I hate going to the gym. This weekend, I thought it’d be a good idea to download a fitness video.

There weren’t too many choices on iTunes so I downloaded some Jillian Michaels. She’s the coach on The Biggest Loser who is super scary with her “you’re gonna sweat. You’re gonna cry!!!” and honestly… It’s super fun, fast, and I should do a whole post about it to tell you about my whole experience of sweating and crying BY MYSELF IN FRONT OF MY MIRROR.

And now, even if I’m sore everywhere (I walk two steps an hour and can’t lift my arms because they’re still burning, aches to prove that I worked out, which is sort of like the modern woman’s intellectual orgasm (just to stay polite) as goodness her stuff works.

She says to do it 6 times a week but they’re short, 20 minutes, so you don’t have time to realize you hate what you’re doing. If I get some good results, I’ll tell you.

Body Makeover: It’ll take 8 1/2 years to get back in shape but no worries, I have my whole life ahead of me. I’ll keep you updated.

Skin

Heading straight to the derm but just a warning to all you NYCers, the price for derms here is crazay. I had a heart attack when he told me the price but then again, I have a heart attack everytime I go to the dentist too. Sheesh.

So, after the initial shock, I showed off all my little imperfections (like the little dots that never seem to go away, not like cysts or anything, just, I dunno, I’m not going to give you my pore’s life story. You deserve better than that) and my doctor lasered them all away. I had 5 or 6.

It’s stung a little, but a few days later, my skin was smooth, the little scabs were gone and I was SUPER happy!

Skin Makeover: Success! 5 outta 5!!!

Hair

We talked about it last week and after thinking about it long and hard, I made an appointment at the salon for Wednesday: cut and keratin treatment. It’ll relax some of my curls out and I’ll take off some length. Keratin? IT’S GOING TO TAKE 5 HOURS.

To everyone who says that I should keep my hair natural… I’m telling you, I’ve tried… And it always ends up in a bun. I’m tired of it!

Hair Makeover: I can’t wait I am so excited it’s making me hungry! ;-)

Hands

I decided to quit the Nail Spa. It was awesome at first but then my nails where awful. I kept telling them to not cut the cuticles too short and only light polish but after a year, they were so dry and ugly, yuck.

I started doing everything myself and I’m so bad at it, especially when it comes to cuticles. But I’m going to get better and I promised myself I’d work on them once a week, which might not be much for you, but for me, that’s like saying that I’m going to climb Everest buck naked and without my iPhone, EVERY WEEK.

Teeth

Ummm, yeah, of course I love coffee, wine, and all the other good stuff in life which inevitably lead to not so white teeth (I’m starting to look at all this and that you’re gonna start to see all my flaws and want you to know that I also HAVE SOME GOOD FEATURES AND I’M NOT A TOTAL LOST CAUSE).

I have super fragile teeth and spend my life at the dentist as you know from two heart attacks ago so I’d never do anything to weaken them further. And I don’t really like super white teeth à la Tom Cruise. I feel like they’d be glow-in-the-dark and secretly shoot me dead with laser-beams.

So I’ve always been pretty afraid of whitening stuff and did nothing about it.

It’s getting a little better, but you get to a point where you just can’t let nature take its course any longer.

I have a reasonable dentist (reasonable, the first word you should look for when choosing a doctor) who told me that the truth with Crest White Strips is that they’re pretty darn effective and not at all dangerous if you use them correctly.

Yeah, I’m still a little scared (I spent 18 hours on Google reading horror stories the other day. It was gory. There are women who have become totally addicted to this stuff)(Seriously though, people can get addicted to anything) and I want your advice.

At the office today Alyssa told me to try the Crest mouth wash, that it worked for her, but I still want to try out those strips. Have you ever tried them?

Mouth Makeover: We’re getting there.

Hair

Hair, second edition: Color. I dunno. I haven’t tackled this one yet. Again, I wish I could do this one by myself without a specialist (I already have too many specialists in my life) but I haven’t found or tried the magic formula, nothing sticks. I’ll ask for advice on Wednesday at the salon.

Hair Makeover: Level 0, below 0 actually.

CONCLUSION

A lot goes into a makeover, but a lot of this comes down to maintenance vs. time.

YOU HAVE to invest a little in yourself to keep yourself together and the real challenge is just keeping it up! I am gonna succeed in maintaining myself better than my cell-phone but less than Tom Cruise? That’s the real question and that’s my current challenge.

You’re welcome to follow me in my adventures AND give me as much advice as you can, please!!!

Translation : Tim Sullivan