fear-of-missing-out

Before, when I opened my Instagram or Twitter feed, I used to freak out.

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a little – but it was a little weird. Especially during fashion week.

So many people, so much stuff to see, so much stuff I’m missing as I’m with you right now… Should I have gone to that party or the other party? And wait, what? Why wasn’t I invited to that other one Derek is posting about?

Why aren’t I seated right across from David Beckham and Harper Beckham* at Victoria Beckham’s show? So like, really important super beckxistential questions.

We call this FOMO. Fear Of Missing out.

Ohhhh Fomo, you’re such a bitch.

It’s like you constantly feel like there’s something better you should be doing that’s just happening somewhere you’re not. You definitely saw it on the Great 2013 Vacations Instagraming Competition this summer. Who had the best vacation? It’s a little like the 70s when our parents would all show off their vacation photos and/or how it was super important to come back really tan so everyone would know how much fun you had.

Should I have gone to Greece, too? Will it already be too late to go next summer? Damn… I forgot to take a picture of my cocktail before I finished drinking it. Did I just ruin my vacation?

Maybe I’m exaggerating again. Let’s not go too far. Instagram is a wonderfully romantic vision of our lives.

I mean, we all do that. We show the good parts, hide the not so good. I mean, everyone talks to me about my sublime trip to Bali, but in truth, just like every trip, there are amazing moments and totally dull moments.

I just didn’t linger on the so-so moments too long. Okay, maybe a little bit, but still.

But so, I started getting used to seeing this rose-tinted version of everything happening around me. I finally learned how to filter (no pun intended) and use Instagram to see pretty pictures, for sure, but also to know what’s going on around me.

It’s an open window into the lives of others and shows me everything that’s going on when I’m not there. It’s like a brilliant gift of ubiquity. I can be in more than one place at a time through the eyes of others.

I get to see things I never would have seen otherwise, like what life looks like through the eyes of a magazine editor or a runway model, for example. Totally different points of view. It’s like an augmented reality, really. Just think, soon we’ll all have Google Glass and be live-stream-agramming our entire lives!

[(Yeah, that’s definitely where we’re going. Private life is already a concept of the past. We really have no idea just how much info we’re putting out there about ourselves via social media. When you start to think about it, it’s pretty crazy.)(I mean, anyone can know where you are at any given moment!)(I have a friend who can literally track anyone down anywhere within 10 minutes just because of social media.)(Argh)(Even me! She’s tracked me! “How come you didn’t bring me to that party last night!” “I only had one invite! But wait, how’d you know I was there?” “You were tagged all over the place, lady!”)(Makes me a little paranoid)(#weirdfriend #butsupernice #everyonehastheirthing)]

So quick, in the near future, we’ll be able to live multiple lives at the same time.

I know, I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. But you know, I’m a big sci-fi fan. Nothing can stop me.

So all this is to say that my FOMO has become NOFOMO. I can’t make it to the party? No worries, I’ll check the hashtag and see everything going down in real time. Not too long ago, I was running late to an event and all I had to do was check Twitter to know that I was totally good; nothing had started yet. Everyone was late right with me.

I let people show me what’s going on in their lives and I take from it what I want. It’s better than freaking out, I guess… But I’m wondering, how do you navigate all this?

——

* To care or not to care? What am I supposed to feel here? Help!!!

Translation : Tim Sullivan


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88 comments

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  • CORY SCOTT September, 12 2013, 9:17 / Reply

    Je te comprends tellement! Mais je me concentre sur les moments que vis vis VRAIMENT! Parce que passez sa journée à regarder le profil Instagram de Victoria et David, ça use… Ca m’é&tonnerait qu’il aient un compte instagram d’ailleurs.
    Bref, moi je bave déjà sur ta vie à TOI! C’est déjà bien suffisant :-) Live your Life to the fullest!
    Much more than FOMO: YOLO!
    http://www.thedeepbluecory.com/2013/09/red-hot-but-no-chiller-peppers.html

    Plein de bisous G.!
    Xoxo Cory

  • Cristina September, 12 2013, 9:23 / Reply

    I have to confess that this week I’ve been connected more time than usual on social media to follow the NYFW … and it’s something that I love it!! But normally, I just try to find a few moments a day to connect and enjoy and don’t let FOMO wins me!!
    http://heelsandpeplum.wordpress.com/

  • Rachelle September, 12 2013, 9:29 / Reply

    I was just talking about this, I actually the exact opposite. I’m one of those people that thinks that another opportunity will always present itself. While I’m into instagram, well I’m a fashion blogger it’s a great way to give readers a peak into my life but I do keep it to a minimum. But I say keep posting pics but don’t take it seriously, you know that people have a tendency to embellish things on social media. I remember not being invited to a designer preview during swim week in Miami and I was just lusting over the pics on instagram and when I met with my blogger friends they all complained about how bad the preview was but they were all posting pretty pics on IG.

    xo
    http://pinksole.com

  • Manon September, 12 2013, 9:30 / Reply

    Well, it’s totally crazy when you think about it. I started to really be careful with what I put online, pictures from vacations or a night out rarely make it to facebook anymore. When I see how much some of my friends share, it’s scary, I like some privacy, I don’t want people knowing what I am doing all the time, and when I put something on twitter or facebook it is because it is something I want to share for a reason. That way I feel much more in control, and I’m not afraid of missing out on something, I’m happy with what I do and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on super important stuff that is happening elsewhere.

    She Wears: Fashion Illustration Blog

  • severine September, 12 2013, 9:35 / Reply

    Oh mon Dieu, mais tu as manqué Anna Wintour qui sourit bouche ouverte…..je ne sais pas si tu vas t’en remettre…. :-)
    Personnellement, en tant que simple consommatrice occasionnelle de ces outils sociaux (je regarde mais je donne peu), je trouve que ca nous amène à avoir une vision un peu faussée de la vie parfaite des gens, qui ne doit pas en effet être toujours si parfaite (non dites moi que non…). En même temps, je n’ai pas non plus envie de voir des photos de cors aux pieds ou de metro parisien aux heures de pointe, et ce qu’on cherche c’est justement le rêve et l’évasion.

  • Serdane September, 12 2013, 9:36 / Reply

    J’essaie de faire comme toi. Il suffit juste de regarder sur les réseaux sociaux.

    http://www.thefashionmellow.tumblr.com

  • Marina September, 12 2013, 9:42 / Reply

    Moi je n´ai pas de Twitter/instagram, je me dis que c´est un peu du mensonge ces trucs là, en plus les stars/mannequins &Co, elles sont un peu pathétiques avec ca, je sais pas, elles me font de la peine, leur vie est intéresssante certe mais Heidi Klum à poil avec son cocotier!!! “NOn mais allo quoi!!!!” La meuf, elle a 45 piges, elle est maman, elle a vraiment besoin que des inconnus likent ce genre de photos????
    Moi je dis rarement où je vais, je me dis que 80% de mes “amis” facebook, s´en foutent!!! Et le reste, et bien ce sont mes copains, ils le savent quoi !!!

    PS: Rien à voir, mon amoureux vient de m´acheter des Porsellis noires vernis!!!! Merci Garance

  • Carole September, 12 2013, 9:45 / Reply

    I like to drive my self crazy….always a touch of drama…but then i stop and say Oh i getting my period….try to be in the moment..the other is exhausting….but there is toooo much during fashion week

  • Carole September, 12 2013, 9:45

    Anna….a sweet glance….she looks relaxed…

  • sarah du révérencieux September, 12 2013, 9:45 / Reply

    Je crois que je pourrais écrire un bouquin sur le sujet. Ok, une nouvelle- Plus édulcoré ! Après l’indigestion d’apéros trop super cool et les détails par le menu sur IG, grosse méga grosse indigestion. J’ai débranché mon IG perso (oui, j’en ai deux – blog, moi et même trois j’en tiens un par moment pour un mag). Le mauvais côté, ça exacerbe nos vilénies (du moins les miennes). Quoi ????? elle est invitée à la soirée B…. pour le lancement du parfum et moi ?? je reçois un dossier de presse. D’un parfum ! (sérieusement, je parle comment d’un jus qu’on sent avec une clef usb – mais jolie la clef !!).
    Ma collègue de blog, Anne avait fait un post sur le sujet. Amour, désamour etc… Comme toi, finalement, je pioche ce qui m’inspire, je suis que ce qui m’apporte quelque chose humainement ou professionnellement. jJe poste moins, peu, pas. Un compte dit tellement plus qu’on en le voudrait. Bref, là j’ai besoin d’une grosse pause, de faire le tri et de ne garder que le meilleur. Du moins, ce qui me convient. Et puis d’ailleurs, tu es vite oublié. Je peux le confirmer, expérience faite. Mais le meilleur la crème de la crème demeure. Le reste n’est que du vent. A savoir si l’on veut construire sa vie sur du vent ? Et tu n’as pas parlé des faux abonnés ? achetés dans des click farms au Bangladesh ? Ca, ça fait vraiment flipper.

  • Quyen September, 12 2013, 9:48 / Reply

    You’ve touched on something I’ve noticed for quite a while now. All of social media can be seen as one big tool for bragging: how good you look, where you traveled to, how amazing your partner is, etc. Many people get stuck in this vortex of wanting someone else’s life. We all have to remind ourselves to use social media as inspiration only.
    http://liveitinerantly.com

  • Amalia September, 12 2013, 9:48

    Yes it’s an epidemic called narcissism.

  • Elli September, 12 2013, 9:49 / Reply

    Post génial – merci Garance. J’ai peut-être la FOMO mais ceux qui ne connaissent pas ton blog sont ceux qui MISS OUT !

  • Michelle Lee September, 12 2013, 9:50 / Reply

    your post made me think for awhile too!
    anyways hope everything’s amazing with you always

    http://www.pinklemonincrystal.blogspot.com

  • Sandy Aldrey September, 12 2013, 9:50 / Reply

    You’re french! Do not care at all. I call it being a Social Ostrich, everyone looking at their phones and really missing out the real stuff for that I recommend from time to time a social detox every other random week. It’s LE COOL being mysterious….

  • Gazelle September, 12 2013, 9:50

    Couldn’t agree more with this comment… totally LE COOL to be mysterious…

  • florence September, 12 2013, 9:58 / Reply

    Je suis encore très très très attachée à ce bon vieux concept de vie privée mais cela dit, je ne suis pas bloggeuse ( pour qui les réseaux sociaux c’est plutôt un fond de commerce et un outil de travail.. )

    Là oú vraiment je coince dans la VRAIE VIE c’est l’usage sauvage et sans restriction des smart-phones n’importe oú n’importe comment!

    Dans le genre de ce petit film…qui dit bien tout ce qu’il y a dire sur le sujet!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINa46HeWg8

  • sandrine September, 12 2013, 9:58

    c’est tellement vrai, ce court métrage

  • CREEZY September, 12 2013, 9:58

    à FLORENCE :

    Merci pour cette vidéo : c’est bien ce que nous voyons souvent, ce n’est pas caricatural et c’est bien triste!

  • Wendy September, 12 2013, 10:04 / Reply

    I think in general that’s how we human are….”there is always something better to do”

  • Ali September, 12 2013, 10:05 / Reply

    Ciao !
    je suis d’accord, les réseaux sociaux peuvent devenir une source de stress phénoménal si on veut suivre en temps réel TOUT ce qui s’y passe et c’est vrai qu’on peut vite se trouver soi-même un peu Outsider tout pourri, laissé sur le bord de la fashion route ! Moi j’essaie de suivre uniquement les comptes qui m’inspirent et j’évite ceux qui me collent cette panique. je trouve par exemple anxiogène qu’un Pinteresteur s’excite toute la journée à mettre des images de runway sans le filtre de sa sélection perso ou son inspiration, du coup je me désabonne direct ! Bacio Garance

  • Anna Louisa September, 12 2013, 10:12 / Reply

    Great post! I think it’s far too easy to start feeling “competitive” about instagram, so when I felt that happening I made sure to follow people whose posts made me happy, and inserted a little dose of reality into that filtered world :)

    http://www.anna-bird.com

  • ingrid September, 12 2013, 10:12 / Reply

    Je crois que je suis (et resterai probablement?) oldschool: la vie privée = superimportant pour moi, pas envie du tout que l’on sache tout de moi, ni de savoir ce que font les autres à chaque instant, ça fatigue.. et la version de la vie idealisée sur facebook et co, elle sonne tellement faux. Sur le net j’aime partager de belles photos ou des discussions avec d’autres qqpart dans le monde. Mais je prefère le réel: voir les expressoins du visage de qqn en face de moi quand je parle… tant pis si je rate qqch ailleurs!.. et puis qui sait un jour (sciencefiction appliquée :-) on pourra nous cloner pour vivre des multiples vies.. bisous

  • Jenn September, 12 2013, 10:12 / Reply

    Nice perspective. Thank you! :)

  • yza September, 12 2013, 10:13 / Reply

    Perso je n’ai aucun FOMO, ni jalousie lorsque j’ouvre Instagram donc je vis ca très bien ! c’est comme les blogs – Je ne m’identifie pas et ne me dit pas lorsque je vois des photos de vacances ahh j’aurais dû aller en Grêce – ou j’aurai dû aller à cette soirée – je me dis plutot ca a l’air joli comme endroit elle a de la chance – On ne vit pas sa vie, ni ses vacances en fonction des autres ni de ce qu’ils font – d’ailleurs ta copine qui traque les autres perso je trouve ca un peu glauque ! Ceci dit je suis entièrement d’accord avec toi lorsque tu dis c’est une fenêtre ouverte sur le monde et les autres car on ne peut pas être partout à la fois -Donc je dis oui à la découverte de choses, lieux , personnes car tout cela est inspirant mais je dis non à l’étalage de tout et n’importe quoi (comme parfois ca peut être le cas) – Ah il y a un truc que j’ai réalisé : j’ai toujours fait une liste de choses que j’aimerais faire, voir etc et depuis avec cette profusion de comptes Instagram (entre autres) ma liste s’est considérablement allongée : je me dis que je vais manquer de temps, il me faudrait une 2ème vie ;-))

  • JU SILVA September, 12 2013, 10:28 / Reply

    Tout ça se résume a notre choix …
    Choix… du verbe choisir ..
    “On est livre de choisir , mais prisionier des consequences” Pablo Neruda
    “La vie est la somme de ses choix ” Albert Camus
    “Choisir , c est se priver du reste ” Andre Gide

    “Happy: Il savait tout faire ! Biff :Sauf choisir ses rêves …” Artur Miller

    Garance … Pour le moment tu as fait les bons choix ! Continue …

  • anne September, 12 2013, 10:28

    j’aime beaucoup tes citations . tellement vrai .

  • katie September, 12 2013, 10:34 / Reply

    in the past everyone lived in tiny villages and knew everything about everyone else and “shared” the same visual impulses all the time… social media is our way of bringing that connection back in a time of alienation and physical separation and mobility. we are wired to grow into those small town little old ladies who look out their curtains and notice everything!!

  • Stephany September, 12 2013, 10:39 / Reply

    You really hit home with this post – I have been grappling with FOMO for a while now and have found I need to press pause on social media (and frankly, a lot of style bloggers) as it’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy – “I should be going out more”, “I should have posted a picture of that…”, “I need that same Clare Vivier cluth” (that 30 bloggers all have…), “is there something wrong with me because I don’t wear the Valentino studded pumps to school when I drop off my kids???”

    For me, it’s about really engaging with people, and keeping social media in the same bucket as flipping through an In Style Magazine or getting a pedicure – it’s a fun indulgence that’s great but not something I need every day!

  • Lee September, 12 2013, 10:52 / Reply

    You know, I do the same thing as you in this resepct. I work in music PR, so I take regular trips with artists and bands, going abroad for interviews and shoots and getting to know them, go to parties with them, everything. It’s a fantastic job, but it’s hard to go back home and be completely happy with your life when you get a constant feed of those artists still on tour and doing all the amazing stuff. It makes me want to be there, and makes me less happy with my home set up. It makes my apartment seem boring, my friends, my office, my boyfriend, it’s all not as good as touring with an artist and living in a responsibility-free environment. Their devil-may-care attitude rubs off a little too much on me. But it’s very unrealistic. I need to be a voyeur, and stop being so emotionally connected with it. Perhaps I need to stop looking at the likes of Instagram and Snapchat so hard and getting FOMO syndrome. God damn you instagram! But thanks for making me aware of this. You’re totally right, it’s not healthy.

  • Nansosi September, 12 2013, 10:52 / Reply

    Well now we know what makes Anna take off her shades and smile. How sweet! And doesn’t David look spectacular (as always) with his adorable little girl on his lap?!

    I know I’ve always been in the right place when there was also another place to be because I put myself there! Why disqualify my inner knowing and navigational system? It just feels too awful to do it, so I don’t.

  • jessica September, 12 2013, 10:57 / Reply

    I try to stay updated with most things…THANKS, TWITTER. But if I just so happen to catch FOMO, then it ain’t no thang. If I didn’t hear about it, then it probably wasn’t important anyway. ;D

    Your Friend, Jess

  • tina September, 12 2013, 11:15 / Reply

    #weirdfriend #butsupernice #everyonehastheirthing – LOL, Garance! I get everything you”re saying – i feel the same way! Sometimes before I go to bed, I HAVE TO check my instagram for the last time of that day, and I realized few times that while scrolling down the photos, I am getting really nervous, disgusted, bored and the only thing I want to do is go to sleep! My looking at the instagram photos is just one big FOMO!

  • Abi September, 12 2013, 11:21 / Reply

    Coucou Garance.
    Ouais, bof, moi je n’ai jamais été attiré par Twitter ou instagram.
    En revanche j’utilise Facebook pour la famille éloignée. C’est vrai que c’est génial. Mais je filtre soigneusement les photos que je post. Il n’y a que ceux que JE choisis qui peuvent les voir.
    Mais il est vrai qu’on ne post jamais les photos pourries ou celles de moments pourris. On choisit nos vies quoi.
    Bref, il faut toujours prendre du recul avec tout ça : le paraitre.
    Comme dans la vraie vie.
    À bientôt Garance.
    A

  • ByGlam September, 12 2013, 11:25 / Reply

    Décidément on est bien trop connectées en ce moment nous deux dis donc! ;)

  • Kim September, 12 2013, 11:29 / Reply

    Oh Garance….I do enjoy your posts! Your words resonate with me. I’ve “experimented” with being “above it all” and doing no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Then, I started my blog, and I went overboard the other way! (I’m in the process of weeding out all of the “feeds” that I just delete!). Looking constantly for that “just right balance” and not getting sucked into it all. After all, I’m just a working mom, living nowhere fancy. :)

    I always appreciate your good humor, gentle humility, tasteful eye, and gorgeous photos! You inspire me.

    Merci! xox Kim

  • MPH September, 12 2013, 11:31 / Reply

    oh, the problems of the popular and the fashionable.
    It’s a good thing your followers love you for your unique voice and sense of humor.
    In a world of mass consumption – physically and mentally, i think to know everything and be everywhere is actually blah – there is no point of view anymore. I want to surround myself with things that speaks to me on a more personal and intimate level.

    I’ve always love your blog because of your unique pov and people in fashion that big/popular fashion editorial never did.

    So definitely NOFOMO. Be Garance.

  • The slow pace September, 12 2013, 11:38 / Reply

    Oh, well, I don’t have FOMO because I know I’m missing everything so… no worries! I livein a tiny town, so the world outside is just the outer space to me.
    I’m addicted to Instagram and the wonderful side of life. Yes, everything is gorgeous there and people are perfect. They eat huge meals but they are super skinny, they travel a lot, they don’t have a single worry… And you know what? That’s what I want to see when I go out from work. I just want happy people and fun and beautiful things. I know that’s not the real life, and most of the things I see are not true, but I don’t care.
    I read the newspaper and see that there is another war about to start a few miles from my home, I see illness around me, people loosing their jobs, I hit the gym 4 times a week and don’t loose a pound (yeah, I’ve written that in the same sentence where I talk about war)… Life sucks sometimes, so I love that virtual place where everything is perfect, fun and beautiful!
    xx,
    E.
    http://www.theslowpace.com

  • Sand September, 12 2013, 11:38 / Reply

    Tes posts sont toujours un réel plaisir à lire, je ne sais pas comment tu fais pour mettre le doigt tout le temps sur ce qui nous intéresse et nous captive.
    Je crois que j’ai un peu le même parcours, en ce qui concerne le FOMO et le NOFOMO.
    Plus jeune, j’avais toujours peur de manquer LA soirée où il faut être, de ne pas être invitée avec LE groupe de gens cool du lycée… Et puis je me suis faite ma propre personnalité, mes propres envies, mes propres amis, que j’ai soigneusement choisi et désormais je suis très contente de ma vie. Je suis également contente de voir Instagram, ou facebook etc, et de voir les vies des autres, mais c’est juste une espèce de curiosité gentille, je n’ai aucune envie ou aucun sentiment de “rater” qqch…
    Je crois qu’il y a juste eu une période “d’adaptation” : j’ai 35 ans, et ces outils sont arrivés dans nos vies à une époque où nous avions déjà appris à vivre sans, et donc il a fallu s’y adapter, et savoir bien utiliser ces outils, pour ceux qui ont choisi de les utiliser.
    Donc désormais, je vis ça très bien également.

  • Gabrielle September, 12 2013, 11:38 / Reply

    I was way into my twenties when the internet was born, I still remember my first steps and setting up an email account. I use instagram and I love it, it’s really a cool media and I’m on facebook, but I somehow never use my twitter…. Most of my really close friend don’t even have a facebook account, crazy hey?! … and they have no clue what instagram is, many of them even call me crazy to share parts of my life with complete strangers out there. I think the fashion week monster could get me, but the fear of missing out monster somehow has no power over me, I guess I’m to old or maybe it’s really because my close friends are no internet people at all. xxx

  • intelligently-fashionable September, 12 2013, 11:43 / Reply

    bravo!!it is super interesting but you know what ? we are lucky to be free and like our job I think again bravo!!

  • sunny September, 12 2013, 12:07 / Reply

    I experienced FOMO when I first signed up with Twitter and Facebook years ago. Then I realized…. there will ALWAYS be another event/photo/party/gathering and that it is simply impossible to keep up with everything that is happening in social media.

    So now I happily log into twitter or instagram on occasion, enjoy the pretty pictures and funny anecdotes and then log off.

    It’s such fun to glimpse other people’s pretty lives!

    I’m not in NYC but I can see how you could use Twitter to find out that if you were running late, it’s still okay. Great idea to use twitter for what you need it for.

  • Martin September, 12 2013, 12:08 / Reply

    When you find yourself flitted about by one gust or another it’s important to be able to see earth and reconnect. Otherwise you’re like a little balloon lost in the wind. At one time FOMO nearly ruined my life, I admit. FOMO was the fear of my disappearance. FOMO can lead to bad decisions and bad people. But now social media has gotten to the point that any one event can be seen as almost irrelevant in the vast scope of things. That realization returns you to your own life, which may include a family, a dog or a garden–but mostly one’s work. If you do good work, you’re guaranteed not to disappear.

  • Clemence September, 12 2013, 12:10 / Reply

    Moi ca me sauve en ce moment de l ennui de ma vie… Je ne m’adapte pas du tout a ma nouvelle vie en Californie (depuis un an), je ne rêve que d’aller habiter a NYC et via instagram et twitter je me sens moins seule mais il est vrai que des que j’ai une vrai occupation sociale je m’en sers beaucoup moins…

  • Marie September, 12 2013, 12:32 / Reply

    Bonjour,
    je suis votre blog depuis quelques semaines, et avec un grand plaisir… Vraiment.
    Sur le fomo ou nofomo, j’ai écrit un truc cet été. Ca vous donnera une idée… http://www.rue-lafayette.com/pardon
    En gros, comme vous n’allez pas avoir le temps de lire, c’est parti d’un article lu sur le fait que poster ses photos de vacances sur Facebook et Instagram (sur les réseaux sociaux en général) était susceptible de provoquer une dépression chez ses amis. Renvoyant l’image idyllique de sa vie, on fait penser à celui qui regarde que sa vie à lui, c’est juste la grande loose.

  • Mafalda September, 12 2013, 12:53 / Reply

    Mes jumelles ont eu 4 ans aujourd’hui, je n’ai plus eu de FOMO depuis qu’elles sont rentrées dans mon existence, tout va bien!
    Mafalda ?
    http://www.mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr

  • Kassi September, 12 2013, 12:59 / Reply

    What a lovely post, it really makes you think :-)

  • CPJC September, 12 2013, 1:06 / Reply

    Maybe, when one experiences FOMO, it means that you are somewhere that doesn’t capture your full attention and engagement. For instance, when I’m with my besties or my man (or even a really good book), all FOMO disappears. No better feeling than that of loving who you are with and what you are doing.

  • Annika Tibs September, 12 2013, 1:08 / Reply

    Well said!

    I have had a little FOMO as I am not currently in NYC and I am going through some serious New York withdrawal…!!!

    On the upside I am “home home” in beautiful Vancouver, enjoying the tail end of summer and the true beauty and nature that surrounds me here! Love, love it all! I am re-learning how to just be, relax, sleep in … in serene silence and do little to nothing (this is was an adjustment— living in NY has made me always have something to do, even when I am doing “nothing” like watching a film at home with the sound of the city in the background).

    On the flip side, I have missed out of some truly killer parties back in my New York home… weekends in the Hampton’s, Montauk, an amazing Gatsby themed birthday weekend party in the Hampton’s…!!! Sigh’ as I watched all my friends insta photos of them having a craft afternoon the day before in the Hampton’s making their bejewelled head pieces and such and alllllll the surf pics at ditch beach! Oh well, that is OK, because firstly I am happy they had a great time and secondly there will ALWAYS be another great party to attend or amazing weekend in NYC! Always, always, always!!!

    And just like NYFW… there will be more fashion weeks too! Yes, I am a little jelly and sad to be missing out on the fashionable action this season, as I watch my friends at the shows, back stage, the after parties and the afta afta parties… bla bla bla… But this too will happen next season and I will have my chance to be back in the swing of things also!

    The reason for my absence… work visa – getting sorted- never ending process…!

    And on that note, I thank you Garance for delighting me every morning and afternoon with the beautiful findings and glam of NYFW!

    Enjoy! xx

  • The Photodiarist September, 12 2013, 1:12 / Reply

    Well, when you’ve already missed out on a lot because of work or other commitments, you lose the fear of FOMO. I just focus on, and be present in, what I am actually doing at any given moment rather than worry about what I am missing — or else you miss out on what you are actually doing and the people you are actually with.

  • Ambyr September, 12 2013, 1:34 / Reply

    I’m right there with you. I mean, if we’re being honest here, I would have d.i.e.d. to be sitting facing the Becks and Anna. Like really. But, since I wasn’t, I too was ‘double-clicking’ ‘liking’ every photo of them. As if I too were there experiencing each angle. I love social media and the more pictures the better. Post away little crazy fashionistas.

    xoxo
    http://www.thewrittenrunway.com

  • Lindsey Wolf Hullfish September, 12 2013, 1:52 / Reply

    Hello Garance- I’d recommend taking a look at Elias Aboujaoude’s book “Virtually You” (full disclosure that I haven’t finished it yet, but am currently reading it and loving it)… it touches upon many of the issues that you bring up in this post. It’s not anti-Internet but cautionary, written by a psychiatrist and really informative on how our new e-lives can make us crazy! But Garance, by using your true voice and being totally non-pretentious, you counter some of this darkness, and that is just one reason so many of us enjoy your blog. Keep it up and thank you!

  • Kathryn September, 12 2013, 2:29 / Reply

    I think I’ve read about a study where psychologists found that the more people checked their Facebook, the more depressed they were about their own lives- like you said, everyone highlights the good and it makes you feel like you’re not living up, not doing it right (someone, please, tell me how there is a right way to live, anyway…) I’m not a big sharer of my personal life, my tweets and posts are usually professionally oriented, but all it takes is one meeting with a friend you haven’t seen in years, but still feel “connected” to because of SM, and you realize how far off you are. People are too complicated for short sentences to tell about their lives, and that’s why they save it for only the impressive, good stuff, the rest is still what bars, caves and living room couches are for (and why we still need good books, movies, and art to figure out what being alive is all about.)

  • juli September, 12 2013, 2:54 / Reply

    I think New York City makes you have a larger FOMO that other places. It is NYC’s currency…what did you do last weekend?….where were you last night? Who was teaching yoga?….blah, blah….

    My husband and I did lots of fun stuff when we were younger and had terrible FOMO when we had our kids….now that I’m older (and not living in NYC!) I realize that every party…is just a party. Every restaurant? Just dinner… Most are pretty meh. We’ve come to appreciate anything or anyone “done well.” Best party? Where our friend set 8 motley tables, handprinted each dinner menu and had killer wine! Best restaurant? Many — most recently, a new place we passed by at 6:30 (way too early for dinner!) was so warmly welcomed we stayed at the bar chatting with the chef for 2 hours THEN had dinner. Best moment? Watching our son take his first girlfriends hand as they were walking in front of us…would have missed it, if we’d been somewhere else.

  • Virginia L September, 12 2013, 3:00 / Reply

    La vie privée ne devrait pas être un concept dépassé.

  • Benedicte September, 12 2013, 3:04 / Reply

    J’ai un compte sur à peu près chacun des principaux réseaux sociaux mais je ne poste quasiment rien car je trouve que je n’ai pas grand chose d’intéressant à y montrer ! Mais le fait de suivre quelques personnalités appartenant à des univers qui m’intéressent (mode, presse, cinéma…) a un coté stupéfiant : j’ai l’impression de les connaitre ! Un jour je parlais avec une collègue de Mila Jovovitch, dont j’apprécie le ton et les photos sur Instagram et je me surprise à en parler comme si c’était une connaissance, puisque j’étais au courant de ses voyages, de ses amis, etc… Très bizarre.

  • Sandrine V September, 12 2013, 3:26 / Reply

    Même chose pour moi, je dois TOUJOURS suivre mon fil instagram, sinon c’est la panique! Quand je pars en croisière, je manque tout pendant une semaine et j’arrive à peine à relaxer! Instagram c’est important!

    Sandrine xx
    http://www.iamsandrine.com

  • tizzylish September, 12 2013, 3:41 / Reply

    I am so fortunate to have known the ‘old’ days…and boy, do I miss them.

    I hate having my American friends at dinner in Paris…They are always on their phone…even while we are dining… Is this so much more important than human contact?

    call me old school….but am I the only one watching people take excessive photos of themselves while on vacation???

    WHo the f+++ cares? Get on with your life!!!!

  • DOMINIQUE September, 12 2013, 3:53 / Reply

    Ce ne sont que des instants, des images, des imaginations aussi, beaucoup de mensonges. On se laisse emporter par un flot d’informations qui ne sont que du vent. Et que l’on croit primordiales.
    Rencontrer de vrais amis, dîner ensemble, bannir tout ce qui peut être extérieur, se concentrer sur eux.
    Encore faut-il avoir de vrais amis.

  • lola September, 12 2013, 4:49 / Reply

    Cet étalement de la vie privée sur les médias est dramatique. Désormais il n’y a plus de frontiére entre espace public et privé, il suffit d’entendre les conversations téléphoniques dans la rue, de voir la manière dont les personnes se touchent, s’engueulent, humilient les autres, se promènent à moitié déshabillés. S’il n’y a plus de frontières, il n’y aura plus se limites mais l’être humain ne change pas et les blessures peuvent se révéler très grandes.

  • vi September, 12 2013, 5:10 / Reply

    chère garance,
    je ne dois pas être tout à fait normale…je te lis parce que tu as ce regard distancié face à la mode et au monde des modeux. Qu’il y a de la sincérité dans tes posts et quelques vérités aussi. Mais je me pose quelques questions quand même face à la folie (que tu évoques)à propos de “face de bouque”/instagram/ et autres oiseaux sifflotant : les gens sont-ils restés si immatures que le réflexe de la horde (être là où ce sera bien d’être, faire ce qu’il faut, etc…)soit si partagé au- delà des années collège/lycée?
    moi je trouve que c’est juste pathétique, et que le fait de se “vendre” continuellement sur les médias sociaux par photos interposées conduit juste à prolonger des dynamiques que j’ai trouvée insupportables quand j’étais adolescente et avec lesquelles je n’ai pas envie de renouer une fois adulte. cela me fait même peur, j’ai l’impression que cela aliène quelque chose en nous… Alors j’ai sans doute bcp de chance parce que mon métier n’exige pas que je parade en permanence sur les RS pour montrer qui je suis et ce que je fais, mais je m’interroge sur ce que ça crée….il n’y a pas bcp de fond, il y a bcp de narcissisme et de rivalité, je trouve cela pauvre comme façon de vivre. Dinosaure je suis?
    bien amicalement

  • CREEZY September, 12 2013, 5:10

    @VI
    C’est un autre dinosaure qui te répond : je suis tout à fait d’accord avec toi !

  • ainhoa September, 12 2013, 5:28 / Reply

    c’est à qui l’oeil :)?

  • Manon September, 12 2013, 6:21 / Reply

    Perso, je n’ai pas (encore?) de facebook, Instagram &co. J’ai la sensation que s’afficher sur Internet c’est comme faire un public statement sur sa personnalité, qui on est, ce qu’on veut, où on va, tt ça… dc j’attends d’être vraiment sûre de tt ça avant de le publier internettement. En revanche, je passe au moins 3 heures par jour sur Internet, j’ai un compte faceboook fake pr capter ce qui se passe dessus qd même, je passe régulièrement des heures sur les photos instagram, les messages twitter des autres. Pas de mes proches, non mais de ttes les personnes qui m’intéressent à un moment donné ds le monde. Je ne rate rien, c’est génial.

  • andria September, 12 2013, 7:22 / Reply

    I have opted not to even bother with all that stuff because it was making me crazy! Once in awhile I check my twitter follows and read what others are thinking/doing, or look at instagram, but there is just so much stuff to be a part of in our incredibly instant life that you can really go nuts. Your Scott took some beautiful pictures that he posted on his instagram (I peeked), but I wondered “I’m in Montauk (go every summer for years), why didn’t he notice me and take my picture in my Norma Kamali retro 2 piece?” Definitely FOMO. If you have an addictive personality, you can become obsessed with all this so I choose not to. I guess if I was in your industry (I’m just an outsider looking in) I might feel differently. The feeling that I get from reading about fashion people is that EVERYONE has FOMO. Must have the newest, latest, hottest clothes, bag, shoes, friends, etc. That’s what the fashion biz thrives on, no?

  • yasamin September, 12 2013, 7:26 / Reply

    I hear you! I think about this topic A LOT. My man and I took a technology-free (no phones) vacation in Arizona in August, which coincided with reading Amanda Brooks’ article in July’s British VOGUE, and something about that combination- and the freedom of the open road, and the sight of people everywhere (EVERYWHERE) looking at phones or computers was all I needed to know that the best way to approach the idea of mass technology is with awareness. Awareness that often what it physically takes to be immersed in technology is to be sitting down- not necessarily optimal. Awareness that life has the potential to be really full, and technology is only a percentage of that fullness. Most importantly (in my opinion), that just because something is deemed normal (facebook), or expected (instagramming everything), it is up to us to answer to our own internal gauge of what makes for a life well lived.

  • Blaise September, 13 2013, 1:32 / Reply

    Cure me of my FOMO. Can’t help but look at instagram, Twitter, Facebook and see what’s going on with others. I should stop.

  • Virginie/Mode9 September, 13 2013, 4:46 / Reply

    On est à l’apogée de “la société du spectacle” et je ne sais pas très bien où cela va nous mener. Moi même je suis actrice et spectatrice de tout ce bordel. Je pense que cela engendre pas mal de frustrations (j’ai d’ailleurs assisté hier soir à un clash sur IG !). C’est tout de même le grand déballage et surtout le grand étalage avec édulcorant, mon repas, mon sac, mes vacances….Finalement mes IG préférés sont ceux qui font preuve de créativité. Moi je ne m’en sers que pour mon blog mais franchement je ne sais pas combien de temps tout cela va durer. Je ressens une grande lassitude (et pourtant je n’ai mon blog que depuis le début de l’année !). Tu as une astuce contre les coups de pompe ?
    http://www.mode9.fr

  • Ema (Le Bureau de Mode) September, 13 2013, 6:05 / Reply

    Je suis hyper partagée : j’adore voir la beauté qui se dégage des photos Instagram et j’adore trouver la bonne façon d’embellir mes propres photos.
    Mais.
    Mais je suis des comptes qui me font un peu envie d’être à la place des gens, aussi.
    A la vie fun.
    J’adore ma vie, mais parfois, bon, un peu plus de glamour ne lui ferait pas de mal.
    Et en même temps, parcourir le monde pour faire la promotion de Stradivarius, bof quoi.
    Les filles qui réussissent vraiment même dans la mode sont beaucoup moins dans le contrôle léché de leur image, finalement.

  • Zane Silver September, 13 2013, 6:27 / Reply

    wow love theses pics, so pretty! :)
    x

    Zane Silver (fashion blogger)

    http://www.zaneandthecity.com

  • Emmanor September, 13 2013, 7:09 / Reply

    C’est dingue, je me fiche complètement de la vie des gens que je ne connais pas et celle de mes amis, je la partage en face à face ! Inutile de préciser que je ne consulte jamais twiter ni instagram et utilise très peu facebook !

  • mcgurgan September, 13 2013, 8:32 / Reply

    darling FOMO,I’m trying to release it .Because attending events and partying should not be a competive sport.

  • Isa September, 13 2013, 8:32 / Reply

    Pour part, je suis donc restée bloquée au FOMO , ceci dit mes préoccupations sont loin de la fashion week et harper beckam mais bon j’ai du mal à prendre du recul ..
    Isa

  • Jessica September, 13 2013, 9:02 / Reply

    Garance,
    What I love about your blog is this… Even though above you are referencing fashion, fashion week and parties your words relate to so many other areas. How many times do we get obsessed with “I wish I had done that, why wasn’t I invite? They look like there having more fun. Why didn’t I go into that career? I wish I were her/him.” The awesome thing about you and your words are that you 1)put it out there that everyone is feeling that and 2) bring us (me) back to reality. Appreciate what I’m doing. Find the passion in what I’m doing. And above all “STOP OBSESSING ON WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING TO DO”.

    As always another brilliant and touching post. Can’t wait for the book.

  • MarieG September, 13 2013, 9:44 / Reply

    Je suis Mrs. Nobody, donc je n’ai ni Facebook, ni Tweeter, ni Instagram, ni Pinterest, ni aucun réseau social.
    Juste une petite dizaine de blogs que je suis régulièrement, dont le vôtre Garance, parce que je crois qu’ils me donnent un bon panorama du monde féminin, bien plus varié, sensible et drôle que si j’achetais des journaux féminins
    Certes, j’ai une vie, mais pas envie de la disséminer aux 4 coins de la planète. Et je respecte aussi profondément que les blogeuses s’en tiennent à leur spécialité et restent sur le reste de leur vie.
    En fait la vie des autres, hormis celle de mes amis, ne m’intéresse pas. Trop souvent elle ne ressemble pas à l’image qu’ils cherchent à en donner.
    Belle journée

  • Kristen May September, 13 2013, 11:44 / Reply

    Dating a total luddite has it’s perks. I have learned to just enjoy the present, and how to get away from the crowd—-the cyber circus—- My new favorite spot is underneath a super shady tree in Central Park.

  • Suze September, 13 2013, 12:20 / Reply

    Very spot on post :)
    And the FOMO-concept I can very much relate to – to a point where it really drove me nuts.
    That’s why I decided to shrink it in a bit by deleting my FB. Because I really didn’t care what the majority of those 450 “friends” were up to. And the ones I did care about I would see/text/phone/mail with anyway. It feels good!
    Because it takes some strength to navigate through that stuff and not let it affect you (or only in a good way). I couldn’t and took the easy way out ;)

  • dina louise September, 13 2013, 1:42 / Reply

    seems to me there are two different kinds of people… those who are perfectly happy spending tons of time on social media and those who are feeling… i don’t know… not so comfortable with it.. i fall into the second category. for me it sometimes feels like eating too much candy… or i feel overwhelmed and drained… after checking instagram and facebook. like so many things in life it is important to find some balance with it and this is what i am struggling with now. someone here said… “get on with your life!” and that occurs to me all the time… how can one be truly present and “in” their life when everything needs to be documented and or photographed?
    and as many people have already said… i really really appreciate your honesty and openness garance!
    and that is why i keep coming back to your site… so refreshing! and i never feel bad afterwards!
    thank you!

  • Valentina September, 14 2013, 3:11 / Reply

    I totally understand you!!! Sometimes I am so frustrated of seeing so much tweets and pictures on Instagram that I cannot follow them all!!! It’s a full time job!!! This happens also with clothes… I see so many things I like that I would buy them all but I can’t, I have to choose and after choosing I often get the feeling I didnt make the best choice …
    I’m starting my “career” as fashion blogger and I did not think it would be so difficult!!!

  • Monica Lee September, 15 2013, 9:50 / Reply

    ahhhhh! Life is a lot like high school or maybe social media has reverted us to thinking like high schoolers. We just need to pick out the good in it all the exposure. It is easier than ever to meet and find people who have common interests, get help with a problem…which reminds me…I need a new archival printer…any suggestions?
    I think the trick is to remember than we are grown ups now, we are aren’t we..? And use our powers for good and not for evvvvil!

  • Behind the Mirror September, 15 2013, 11:33 / Reply

    I totally relate to this… in fact so much so that during major events such as Fashion Week I don’t check my instagram at all… I found that nothing is good enough… even if I went to the show, then I wonder why I am not sitting there, or how come I didn’t see ADR posing next to the flowers for the perfect shot… so I just stopped. It helps a lot!!!

  • Charis September, 15 2013, 11:51 / Reply

    think you shouldn’t care and just focus on the event/show ure going to because it’ll probably still be fun and you’ll be able to catch up with friends from the industry or meet more talented people. moreover, many would kill to be in your position to be able to attend such events. sharing it on social media gives them the opportunity to take a look inside parties where it’s more exclusive. i guess it’s all about being contented with what you have and live in the moment.

    http://www.chariscity.blogspot.com

  • Ivy September, 16 2013, 10:57 / Reply

    Of course people always love to show their fabulous side of life to others, but you are right, everyone just needs to keep in mind that most of the things appear in social media is rose tinted version!

    http://www.mykindofchic.com

  • Judith September, 19 2013, 4:24 / Reply

    Hi Garance,
    I came across this article today in this cool online magazine and I had to think about your post. So I thought I would share it.

  • Ana September, 29 2013, 6:06 / Reply

    I didn’t stop caring, I just stopped worrying (… and I can’t but add “and learned to love the bomb”).

    Missed something? I’ll check it out later.
    No time for checking out later? Oh well, it wasn’t that important. Let’s snack on some apples and almonds.

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