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Blame Mercury

Blame Mercury

Because it’s in retrograde

I’m guilty of blaming small misfortunes on Mercury. “Oh, well you know, Mercury is in retrograde.” And everyone around you nods because it just makes so much sense to blame your email crash on the alignment of the planets. “Ohhhh yeahhh, that’s totally it.”

WHAT? What does that even mean?

So I did what any girl looking for answers does: I Googled it.

Susan Miller (supreme master of astrology) says: Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.

When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes “stationary” and then speeds forward.

Right.

She goes on to list all of the things that are likely to happen when Mercury is in retrograde, for example: you’ll get dumped, get a bad haircut, purchase a shitty car, your garbage disposal will break, if you are adopted you might find your birth parents, long lost mail will arrive but your email will crash, etc.

All sorts of things go down. YOU CAN BLAME ANYTHING ON MERCURY IN RETROGRADE. So I’ve made a list of events in my life that I’m chalking up to Mercury and it’s making me feel a lot better.

1. That time I shipped a box of French Vogues from Italy to Minnesota. They didn’t show up for months. But then one day, they did. Mercury in retrograde.

2. That time I ombred my hair. Mercury in retrograde.

3. That time I cried when I met Josh Hartnett. Mercury in retrograde.

4. That time I broke my toe and had to wear a velcro boot. I had to wear the boot when I went backstage at the Victoria Secret Fashion Show and I’ve never felt worse about myself then when standing next to Adriana Lima… in a velcro boot. Mercury in retrograde.

5. That time I tried to buy Britney Spears tickets and the concert sold out in 7 minutes and I cried for an entire day. Mercury in retrograde.

6. Every time I have lipstick on my teeth. Mercury in retrograde.

What do you think about Mercury? Can it take credit for all of the above?


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31 comments

Add yours
  • Sophia October, 28 2013, 11:43 / Reply

    Hey Alex!

    I didn’t want to believe this Mercury nonsense at first (and still, I kind of don’t want to, but as you say, it’s easy to place the blame on something else). So yes! Damn you Mercury for the bad mark on my essay and the exploding hairspray can.

    Sophia
    http://traveltall.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Cory Scott October, 28 2013, 11:43

    @Andrea hahaha! You mean girl!

    Xoxo! Cory

  • Lindsay King October, 28 2013, 11:49 / Reply

    Yes! Blame Mercury for sure! Even if it isn’t true, at least it helps you to feel better :) xo

  • Margaret October, 28 2013, 12:17 / Reply

    It’s fun to say and sure let’s blame it on Mercury, but remember it is truly nonsense!

  • Amelie October, 28 2013, 12:31 / Reply

    I’m all for using humor to relieve anxiety & tension, but astrology, pffft. Total nonsense.

  • Barbara October, 28 2013, 12:34 / Reply

    Major car breakdown on the highway (tow truck and all) and the mechanic then leaving his flashlight under the hood? (Last Monday.)
    Or accidentally buying the airplane tickets I quickly filled in on a new window, just to check the price and now turn out to be for Ms. Dkadfjeufofdh from Fgrhfiotif8hk? (2 days ago)

  • B October, 28 2013, 12:38 / Reply

    You may want to look up Void of Course Moon:-)

  • Meghan October, 28 2013, 12:45 / Reply

    Wait…are we not blaming Canada anymore?

  • Erin October, 28 2013, 1:19 / Reply

    this would explain a lot. MERCURY’S IN RETROGRADE! Have you heard the bloc party song Mercury? http://youtu.be/EsLYMIsXg8c check iiiiit!

  • Margaret (another one) October, 28 2013, 1:48 / Reply

    Thanks Alex – this gave me a good laugh on a day I needed it! And I think I will start to blame Mercury in retrograde more often. It’s better than beating one’s self up when you’re just having a day when the pieces aren’t falling into place as planned.

  • Leslie October, 28 2013, 2:26 / Reply

    Everyone always blames Mercury!

    :/

    haha

    http://downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com

  • Arielle October, 28 2013, 2:45 / Reply

    Haha, too funny! I was just blaming Mercury’s retrograde for all my problems these past few days. I’ve had a ton of miscommunications because I just haven’t been able to explain myself or my intentions well.
    Totally blaming Mercury at the moment.
    Also, it might be the cause of my slightly puffy eye

    Arielle from Tangled Musings

  • coulda shoulda woulda October, 28 2013, 2:46 / Reply

    i have tried to ignore mercury retrograde but you ignore at your own peril! It is the one thing I adhere to.
    i also never plan trip or travel during mercury because plans always get scuppered and things get cancelled! its been ten years since i follow it and it just makes sense. doing something in mercury is like deciding to go on a boat trip at night during a storm. you can do it but just isn’t wise…

  • Costume De Rigueur October, 28 2013, 2:48 / Reply

    Definitely! that’s the reason all things go wrong!!

    I can’t find the Celine Birkenstocks on ebay! Geminis have their mercury in retrograde!!!

    CDR

    http://costumederigueur.com/

  • Donna October, 28 2013, 3:07 / Reply

    I don’t think it can blame ANYTHING on Mercury being in retrograde, but it’s good to have that excuse! I did have my chart done once and it was surprisingly accurate. I do remember that Mercury is one of my most influential planets, but don’t remember the details. Ever since I got that chart, though, I do believe more in astrology.
    Try it sometime!
    Donna
    Prettysparklythings

  • Sandrine V October, 28 2013, 4:21 / Reply

    Because of Mercury, I had to sit next to a really annoying man during 8 hours of flight (the worse thing is that I was wishing to sit next to prince charming) Damn Mercury!

  • Clotilde October, 28 2013, 4:38 / Reply

    Ce qui me fait super peur c’est ce qui va se passer quand Mercure va caler en essayant de faire un démarrage en côte!

  • sandra(last tango in paris) October, 28 2013, 5:51 / Reply

    oh astrology! i can totally blame all the stupid bullshit going on on the the stars! i don’t really believe in astrology, but i do have my own set of personal superstitions.

    the biggest one is related to the full moon – if there’s a full moon weird shit happens, both good and bad and i have trouble sleeping. it’s rooted in old romanian foldklore and oodly enough is pretty much true.or we make it sound so.

  • jen October, 28 2013, 6:06 / Reply

    ugh! i blame my most recent test (which i don’t feel went very well) on mercury! *shakes fist*

    ;)

  • tfish October, 28 2013, 8:19 / Reply

    I don’t believe in astrology, but Susan Miller is eeriely spot on.

    I’m a scientist and I’m thinking of coming up with some scientific explanation for her horoscopes.

  • alyssa October, 28 2013, 9:16 / Reply

    This is exactly what I needed today. Damn Mercury.

  • P October, 28 2013, 11:41 / Reply

    ….
    i feel nature-cycles so much its a…(pain in the …sometimes)
    i know, hippie girl! but, for real, i do
    and i didnt want to believe THIS one
    but oh boy…i felt it, trying to write, couldnt!
    and stuff. but i ve been punishing myself for even ackownledge this mercury -thing
    cos, ill be empowering it, but….
    i ve felt it hard. and i blame it to this day of how hard, was writing my stuff this weekend.
    but then, just that.
    in the good part, venus in sagitarius is working for me, jajaja

  • Kathy October, 29 2013, 12:58 / Reply

    It’s totally true — it’s not that I really exactly believe in it (do any of us?) but whenever momentum on something stops, things get bungled, or nothing seems to go as planned it is almost always Mercury in retrograde. What ruffles me is that there’s nothing to do but wait it out. Just sit back and wait the 3 weeks or whatever that it is doing its thing and then almost as miraculously as things started to go awry they instead start to go right and fall into place. Like a cloud being lifted. The only thing good about Mercury being in retrograde is that it will end and life will go back to normal.

  • Isa October, 29 2013, 2:20 / Reply

    Les mystéres de Mercure , on aimerait bien les connaitre …;)
    La parenthèse Enchantée

  • Manon Desjambes October, 29 2013, 9:44 / Reply

    Hilarious ! Shame on Mercury ! ;)
    Thx Alex

  • Stéphanie October, 29 2013, 9:55 / Reply

    Mercure rétrograde, c’est bon pour les géocentristes. Tu es bien trop moderne pour ça! Y’a surement un bouc émissaire plus proche sur lequel on peut taper en plus!!!

  • Lison October, 29 2013, 10:07 / Reply

    Pas mal comme idée, on a enfin trouvé un bouc émissaire!
    xx http://wildlysweet.blogspot.fr

  • sev October, 29 2013, 5:44 / Reply

    hahaha, ben ça doit être des références de NY car sincèrement je croyais que tu parlais du mercure (dans le thermomètre quoi, de la température donc). Et l’influence des planètes pour déresponsabiliser les êtres humains, c’est super pratique !!

  • Ebony October, 30 2013, 4:13 / Reply

    I’ve had entire relationships I’d like to blame on Mercury in retrograde. Maybe I should email Susan and see if there was one that lasted from 2005 to 2011

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