Are Spanx an instrument of torture or of power ?

No, really! Cause, to me, it definitely looks like an instrument of torture.

BUT, you know, I own a pair. That I’ve worn in the past. Which I was thankful for. But after the night was over and the dress was worn I threw them in the bottom of my shcloset (my closet of shame) (you don’t want to know what’s in there) and tried to forget forever I’d worn them, while still indulging in the comfort that if worse was to come to worse, they were here.

I’M A WOMAN, I’M COMPLICATED!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Have you ever seen a pair of Spanx? Or any of these types of compressing-form-fitting-anti-rolls things that are made to look good on the outside while being mortified on the inside ? Because most of them are ugly. There is the color (hard to make a real nude look real good) there is the shape (hard to make a riding short look good) and then, you might not know it if you’ve never worn them, there is the SHOLE. (the hole of shame), which is a little hole that’s between your legs so that if you want to pee right during Oscar night, well, you don’t have to take your panties off, you can pee right through them. How do you rebuild your confidence after that and go back all femme fatale to receive your Oscar, is my question.

So, the Spanx.

It’s not about them looking good here. It’s about the dress looking good.

(Even though I will tell you soon about a beautiful alternative, but it kind of throws my reasoning in the trash, so for now I am withholding that information if you’ll let me).

Being the Spanx is the White House’s Chief of Staff. Here to make the president (the dress) look good. Don’t tell me to stop watching Scandal. I’m not there yet.

Okay, so we know it’s ugly, but does it work ?

It sort of does. It sucks you in. It makes you feel like you don’t have to hold your breath to keep your belly flat. That everything will stay in place. That you look as good as you possibly can at that moment. That you’re in control.

This is strong appeal. The proof is that even the the fittest actresses wear them to feel perfect. Feeling perfect is definitely one thing that a lot of women look for in order to feel strong. Most women?

So in that sense, it’s definitely an instrument of power.

But then – it never happened to me but I can totally imagine the scene – have you ever met a guy when you where wearing Spanx and prayed all night for him never to caress your leg higher that your knees? Or worse, decided to go to his place and try to take the thing off discreetly, sweating in the toilets to try to take them off (these things are a pain to take off!) and then throw them anywhere you can?
How perfect and powerful did that feel?

Not too powerful I guess.

So, I don’t know how I feel about Spanx – as everything that tends to perpetuate the myth of perfect and sleek, hard bodies for women, I have a real love-hate relationship with them.

Like, are there men Spanx ?
(Yes there are are, but it would throw my reasoning to the trash, so I’ll withhold that information from you if you’ll let me)(and come on, it’s rare).

I hope there is one day when more women can feel powerful in their imperfections.

Til then, my Spanx will live quietly in my shcloset, ready for a day where I’m ready to give up just being myself.

What do you think ? Torture or power ?