No, really, you’ve never wondered how guys do it?
For us ladies, it’s easy: we have it all. We take all the guy stuff, while also holding on to our girl privileges.
What do you mean, you don’t understand? Have you never wondered how they…
Go without a purse
Just seeing Scott try to choose a wallet is enough for me to understand the torture of having to fit your entire life into one pocket. A guy’s wallet has to be as small as possible and it has to contain his whole life. Fortunately, in the US, your ID is the size of a credit card; otherwise, you’d have to do like my French friends do: fold your driver’s license in half.
Then there’s the phone – which he loses in a taxi every other week because it slides out of his pocket too easily, and his keys, which are reduced to the bare minimum while I’m over here with enough keys to be a prison guard. Speaking of which, on the days when our elevator goes out and we need the key to the stairway to get up to our apartment, weeeell…
Seriously, how do they do it? When people give Scott loose change, he looks like he wants to kill himself. When people try to hand him a flier, you’d think someone had just told him that from now on, it would be against the law to take photos of people in the street, or something like that.
And even so, I’m always, always, always the one who forgets my subway card in another bag. Of COURSE he always has his. Somewhere in that tiny little wallet.
Survive without makeup
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that makeup has saved my life, but…makeup saves my life sometimes. Whether it’s the day after a hangover (hello under-eye cream and pink blush!), the day of a zit attack (hello Eiffel Tower on my forehead, come over here so I can get rid of you) or even the time I smacked my nose into a bay window and ended up with a black eye (hello SUPERTHICK layer of dark circle corrector!)
So how do they do it? If guys wear makeup, girls can detect it in an instant and their “strong, sexy man” image is lost forever.
Imagine your distress if the leaning tower of Pisa were growing out of your forehead on the day of a first date? And you couldn’t even use concealer?
That may or may not explain why some guys stand girls up, I say.
Yeah, ok I admit – a guy with a black eye can be totally adorable.
Pee in public
Who invented this urinal business, anyway?
And how do guys deal with all that proximity?
If I were a guy, I’d never pee.
(PS: And to the guys who pee in the street – come on, guys. Seriously?)
Go get a manicure
There’s this gorgeous guy – super masculine, super sexy – who comes to get a mani-pedi every Sunday at my spa. On Sunday. When the spa is FULL of estrogen. He sits there, right there in the middle, and you can tell he’s a little embarrassed, but I guess he must like to have nice feet. If you’re going to be that hot, you might as well be beautiful all over, right? So he just sits there not making eye contact with anyone and waits for it to be over.
How does he do it!?!?
Not talk about girl stuff
Men have great friendships, but I don’t know too many who talk about their intimate problems. They don’t even talk about beauty and hygiene the way girls do every three minutes.
Nah, I don’t think guys are the type…
“Hey, look at this, do you think I should wax my back?”
“Oh, definitely! Let me give you my esthetician’s number!”
Nope, I don’t think so. I think guys find themselves all alone in their bathrooms with all these questions and no one to answer them.
So if you find a great guy one day (yay!) with hair on his back (ewww!), instead of looking disgusted, just give him your esthetician’s number. Maybe he’ll end up like that gorgeous guy in the middle of the hen house on a Sunday afternoon.
A little lost, but happy to look good for his lady.
Lose their hair
This is a really sensitive subject for guys.
It’s so unfair, especially because it can happen when they’re only 25!!!
How on earth do they handle it?
Like, the moment when they finally say, well, it’s over, there’s almost nothing left – I guess I’ll just have to shave my head now.
(Do I use the same razor that I use for my beard? Who do I even ask? Well NOT my friends, obviously (see above))
And suddenly the best looking guy can end up totally bald with nothing but his eyes to cry with.
Ok, it’s true, it’s possible to be bald and beautiful. But let’s face it, it’s not easy.
There aren’t a lot of options, either, other than surgery, and the ones who decide to do that are usually made fun of…. I say we should leave them alone.
I know a guy who had hair implants and he went from looking 50 (that’s how old people thought he was without hair) to looking 35 (his real age) in a matter of months.
It looks really good and it’s like he got his life back.
But on the other hand, guys who dye their hair – ugh, I can’t do it.
I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, blech, I just can’t. Especially when you can see the roots, omg omg omg, I just can’t.
Who knows what goes on in a woman’s mind…
Make the first move
You want to know the truth? I think they’re lucky. Besides, I’m totally for girls making the first move. And I’m totally the type to make the first move (I’ve made a complete fool of myself a few times, too, but you know actually, not SO many times)
It’s cool, it takes the drama out of it, it gets you used to rejection; you learn to move on, to take risks, to not worry about it too much, to be cool…
And for that, like for a lot of other completely random things, my dear guys, I will never pity you.