the_stream

Last Friday, I got sick.
Like – can’t get out of bed, moaning and groaning, Viber my mom* sick.

Great, no? Especially the day after – it was the beginning of Fashion Week.

I canceled everything that night, telling myself that the next day, I’d surely be back to normal, alive and kicking, and better dressed than Anna Dello Russo – you know, like usual.

Blah. After spending a very glamorous night figuring out that I definitely had the stomach flu**, I realized the next few days were not going to go like I had imagined – starting with champagne at 10AM and ending with dance parties with my best friend, Alexander Wang ***

So I went back to bed.

Pffff, what could I do? It’s not like I could really work at home. I tried working on my book, but as you know, when you’re sick, you’re not just physically out of it, you’re also completely wiped out intellectually, and the only three words I managed to write after two hours in front of my computer were Pepto and Bismol****.

That was even one of my Google searches – that’s how slow-mo my brain was.
(Ok, I also wanted to know how many gallons of Pepto Bismol I could ingest without overdosing. Answer: NO)

The situation was getting serious. With my cloudy head and an increasing FOMO, I told myself there was only one thing left to do: live the passion of fashion through the Internet.

So I poured myself a champagne glass full of Pepto and opened up my computer.

It was time for the Altuzarra show.

#1 – SOCIALTUZARRA

I typed #altuzarra on Twitter and Instagram, and suddenly, I found myself propelled backstage.
Make up – check, a little glitter on the eyes, cool! Ok, I see, I see, casting, ok great.

Altuzarra Makeup Backstage Photo

A few minutes later, I checked out one of my favorite things – the front row. No, seriously, because it’s actually one of the important things when you go to a show. You want to see what’s happening in the front row.

Who’s there? Who are they with? How are they dressed? Are they thinking of me?

And once again, with the Internet, all you have to do is ask, and there it is. Which outfits do I always want to check out? Jenna Lyons, of course. Well, kids, all you have to do is ask our friend Marina Larroude (big air kiss to you, darling):

jenna-lyons-altuzarra

And then the show. I don’t need to describe it for you – you already know. It’s a storm of blurry photos, one-legged models, everybody loves everything, and hashtags all over the place, but even so, I’d rather be there to judge for myself. The music is missing, the atmosphere is missing, and a crappy little Insta video isn’t going to change that.

altuzarra-cfda-instagram

So I’m left hungry for more – um, so to speak, since, let me remind you in case you might have forgotten already, I have the STOMACH FLU.

Since that’s just the way it is tonight, I decide to test out Alexander Wang’s live stream.

#2 – WANGSTREAM

Night has fallen. I’m still a mess, but less mobile, I’ve got dark circles from my eyes down to my neck, my hair is flat, and I’m just as stylish as a streetstyle photographer in New York in February*****, but nobody cares – I’m all alone at home and in two seconds, I’ll be in the fucking front row of the ALEXANDER WANG show, bitches! (I sound like Kanye, right? What? Should I not be doing that?)

Even Scott abandoned me, the bastard. It was no use trying to convince him to stay with my whimpering and little episodes of hyperventilation ( = I’m about to die right this minute! Help!) You don’t miss Alexander Wang unless you’re at death’s door, ladies and gentlemen.

So back to Champa-Bismol!

It’s 8:30, and the live stream is starting.

Oh, gawd.

As soon as it starts, a strange feeling comes over me – I feel like a major, major voyeur. If Instagram gives us a window into other people’s lives, live stream seriously feels like teleporting into the room with them, like…

GOD.

I start to feel dizzy. I can see who’s sitting with whom, what they’re wearing, and when.
At one point, the camera zooms in on Kate Davidson Hudson texting on her phone, and frankly, if the cameraman hadn’t zoomed out right then, I could have read her text.
It’s amazing, I’m fascinated. I love it.

Ok, obviously there’s some kind of annoying music playing over everything, because if we could hear people talking, I think it would be fashion Armageddon. You can imagine what kinds of things people say, right – it’s not for everybody’s ears… like in school!!!

Absolutely no one at the show is aware of the camera’s presence, by the way.

I see a guy yawn out of boredom three times in a row (it really wasn’t necessary to film those moments, dear livestream cameraman); I see Bryan Boy arrive in pajamas; I see Caroline de Maigret sit down next to Karen Elson, and I admit, just telling you this freaks me out, I even recognized Fabien Baron FROM BEHIND. Fabien, if you’re reading this – don’t worry, I’m not stalking you. I don’t know what happened; I just knew it was you all of the sudden.

And that’s when Alex, who had also decided to watch the show on livestream, sends me a text. Here are a few highlights from our conversation.

#3 TEXTAVERSATION

Alex
“What? Karen Elson has a Blackberry?”

[Our text converstions are always profound, politically relevant, and bolstered by our encyclopedic knowledge of fashion, as you can imagine.]

Me
“Oh, look, Scott just arrived. What is he doing? OMG, wouldn’t it be so great if I always had a little camera following him around?
“Ok, no, that would be horrible.”

Alex
“Oh, shit, it’s starting.”

Me
“Is that the real music?”

Alex
“Yep, I heard it 23 times when I was backstage this afternoon”
“Oh, my dad would love that! Cargo pockets and cartridge belts for when he goes hunting”
“I love the boots”

[The camera zooms out, showing panoramic views, then zooms in so close that you can see the texture of the clothes perfectly. Honestly, the view is better than in any front row.]

Me
“Wait, what are those boots?!”

Alex
“Well, they’re…um, they look like shin guards”
“OMG BaCKleSS???”

Me
“OOH!!! They’re mules!!! Mule-boots!!! Boots in front, mules in the back!”
“Bootles? Myoots?”
“Those colors are interesting, what is that material?”

Alex
“It’s a material that reacts to heat, I heard.”
“I’m looking for Caroline Trentini, I saw her listed backstage, she’s in the show!!! #flashback2008.”

Me
“You’ll see – she’ll come out at the end. It’ll be the big finale, with all the blow-your-mind, killer top models”

Alex
“Ah yeah you’re so right!!! But what..
“They all painted their hair black, wait, who’s that?”

Me
“Karlie”
“Joan Smalls”
“Daria?”

Alex
“CAROLINE I SEE HERRRRRRR”
“Nope, not here. Those bleached brows are impossible…”

Me
“Ok, well, it’s over?”

Et voilà, the show finished and I re-teleported back to my place. Frankly, it was a pretty hallucinatory experience and I would do it again no problem.
The next day, I talk to people about the show as though I had been there, then suddenly remembered that I hadn’t been there in fact – except when they told me about how long it took to get to Brooklyn (yes, this year the Wang show was in Brooklyn, and Scott got home, exhausted at 11pm, that is to say, about 2 hours after the show ended because of the bad weather and traffic jams*****).

It’s really something to think about, this livestream thing, even if I will always be delighted, enchanted, amazed to go to an Alexander Wang show, even if it was in New Jersey, hein, hein, hein ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) (the girl who doesn’t want to be disinvited) (“Yes, we saw that you appreciated our Livestream so this season here’s a ticket to see our show… From your couch bitch!!!) Argh.

Ah, but before leaving, let me send a personal message to my fash packitude fellows.
Friends, watch out. THE WORLD IS WATCHING. No yawning, no bitching, no texting stupid pictures, no pretending to be busy when you’re actually playing Flappy Birds, and use some moderation on the air kisses. Ok?

Big kiss!!!

Signed,

GOD

———

PS: The next day, I was a little more alive and kicking (not exactly) (and had gained back my kilo) and started out for real life.
Mais bon, from where I’m sitting next time, maybe I could watch the livestream from my seat AT the show? If I’m sitting beside the door in an area where you can only see the back of the model by craning from my seat?

Ah shit, modern life.

———

*Yes, my mom and I speak on Viber. And she sends me tons of emojis!!! I’m going to send her the Bazaar Emojis, hang on.
**No, to answer the question that everyone asks when I say that, I didn’t lose three kilos “thanks” to my stomach flu, just one. Pfffff, the flu, it’s like How I Met Your Mother: not what it once was.
***And by that I mean coffee so as not to freeze your fingers taking pictures and parties head to head with my computer, my true best friend.
****A slimy type of American medicine that tastes like cherry tagada that helps, ummmmm, what I had, which, I’m not going to make you a drawing oooohhhhh.
***** = Not Stylish at all, it’s too cold.
******Bon, ok, between the time I had asked him to buy me some rice and bananas at the deli to do my BRAT diet recommended for stomach issues, (IN CASE I COULD FINALLY LEAVE YOU IN PEACE WITH THIS STOMACH FLU THING, I TOLD MYSELF THAT I WOULD ADD A LITTLE EXTRA AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE) (Banana Rice Apple sauce Toast.)

This illustration first appeared in Vogue Paris and has been modified.

Translated by Andrea Perdue.


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66 comments

Add yours
  • Mafalda February, 11 2014, 9:28 / Reply

    Oh ma pauvre Garance, je compatis, même si je ne devais pas aller à la fashion week, j’ai été ta compagne de maladie (la grippe pour moi). Ton article est hilarant, et j’adore “J’ai même repris mon kilo” (les boules, on se dit toutes ça hein?).
    J’aime beaucoup ton dessin, et surtout les muuuuuules!
    Mafalda
    http://www.mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr

  • andreea February, 11 2014, 9:28

    you are never out of the loop! :)

    http://littleaesthete.com

  • Le monde des petites February, 11 2014, 9:28

    Il est très joli ton dessin!
    J’espère que ça va mieux!!! Je déteste être malade, comme je suis au soleil, j’ai pour l’instant été épargnée cet hiver mais en général, je choppe la grippe quand je suis en France (c’était comme un rituel avant que je me fasse vacciner, tous les ans, vers le mois de février, je l’attrapais)… Ah la la, je suis une petite nature….
    Des bisous et bon rétablissement!!!

    Le monde des petites
    http://www.lemondedespetites.com/

  • renata February, 11 2014, 9:34 / Reply

    Hello
    très drôle !
    Bon courage avec le riz – banane.
    Je propose comme variante : banane – chocolat noir !
    santé get well

  • cacolazatchok February, 11 2014, 9:38 / Reply

    Juste pour te dire que le Bismuth qui fait partie du Pepto-Bismol est interdit en France car il serait dangereux pour la santé. Soigne toi bien, je compatis…louper la fashion-week, c’est bien triste!

  • Sarka February, 11 2014, 9:42 / Reply

    I love the illustration Garance. Hopefully it will make an appearance in your shop very soon!

  • veronica February, 11 2014, 9:45 / Reply

    Funny post dear!
    Kiss!
    Passa a trovarmi VeryFP

  • The slow pace February, 11 2014, 9:54 / Reply

    Comparing HIMYM with stomach flue? I love you Garance! Jajajajajaja!!! (I’m laughing in Spanish) ;)
    xx,
    E.
    http://www.theslowpace.com

  • novella @ 9lla.it February, 11 2014, 9:54 / Reply

    Hahahah I love your dialogues with Alex!
    Love you, girls!
    Très sympas!
    xx

    http://9lla.it/
    A fashion & DIY blog…

  • Eleanor February, 11 2014, 10:03 / Reply

    Leave it to you to take a bad situation and make it brilliant. Thank you!

  • Marina February, 11 2014, 10:04 / Reply

    Ah mais moi aussiiiiii j´etais malade, angine (carrément plus classe lol!!!) et je me suis aussi dit ah trop cool deux jours sans manger!!! Aurions-nous un problème?????

  • Hanneke February, 11 2014, 10:13 / Reply

    Seems like everyone is getting sick these days, hope this monster doesn’t catch me. Enjoy the rest of Fashion Week crazyness. xo Hanneke

    Check out my style on http://www.hannekeverstegen.com

  • It's About L.A February, 11 2014, 10:15 / Reply

    Tu n’as quand même pas eu de chance, c’est quand même une bonne idée le livestream je trouve. Et ton illustration est superbe j’adore !

  • Maude February, 11 2014, 10:17 / Reply

    hahaha vraiment ne change rien, j’adore tes postes, tu me fais trop rire!!!!

  • Mi February, 11 2014, 10:19 / Reply

    Toujours manger du frais , connaitre les vendeurs , les circuits , bien laver les fruits , éviter la bouffe industrielle , se laver les mains très souvent , avant de manger surtout….. C’est essentiel pour ne pas choper ces saletés de virus . Du produit désinfectant sur les mains après les transports en commun…..

  • Nico February, 11 2014, 10:22 / Reply

    The illustration is great and the post awesome!

    30 outfits for Valentine’s Day on lowbudget-lowcost Fashion Blog

  • Anna February, 11 2014, 10:25 / Reply

    Hahahaha so funny even when you are sick – Wonder Woman :)

  • shani February, 11 2014, 10:40 / Reply

    You’re making me feel better about never having been to any Fashion Week shows in my life. But also a bit worse that I never thought to watch the livestreams…

    I hope you’re feeling better!

    Shani x
    She Dreams in Perfect French

  • Caroline February, 11 2014, 10:40 / Reply

    Très très drôle, merci Garance!

  • Camille February, 11 2014, 10:45 / Reply

    HAhah merci pour cet épisode épique de ta vie, c’était très rigolo, moi aussi je vais regarder les show depuis mon lit, c’est une super idée ! :)

  • francesca February, 11 2014, 10:46 / Reply

    Style.com revolutionized fashion for me back in college. Gone were the days of cutting out pictures from magazines–the whole encyclopedia of Fashion Week was suddenly at my fingertips and up for the remainder of the year. At a NYFW show last night, I realized that there was very little polite clapping during the final walk, because everyone had their phones up! Luckily, they went down and the hands went up when the designer came out.

    http://bondi-roco.blogspot.com/

  • Anne February, 11 2014, 11:09 / Reply

    Garance !
    T’es trop rigolote !!!
    Bonne fashion week eeeetttt n’oublie pas de nous concocter un super Pardon my French ;-)))
    Je ne dois pas être la seule qui le demande
    Bisou
    Anne

  • The Corner OME February, 11 2014, 11:10 / Reply

    Very interesting post, as always!

  • jenny February, 11 2014, 11:38 / Reply

    Today I was laughing out loud! Even though I have the stomach flu myself. I now know how I will distract myself through this illness.Thanks.

  • beeta February, 11 2014, 11:40 / Reply

    I just had the stomach flu too and it’s the worst! Ugh. So not worth the few lbs you lose. I’d rather stay 3lbs heavier and enjoy my wine, bread, and cheese.

    But you’re totally right with social media…it’s amazing how you don’t even have to be in the City to be a part of everything that’s going on in the fashion industry!

  • Patty February, 11 2014, 11:43 / Reply

    I loved it!
    I’m posting looks from Los Angeles and accessories:

    http://www.thegavlaks.com

  • Lucila February, 11 2014, 11:45 / Reply

    I want your life!!…can I meet you in New York next week?
    Im from Buenos Aires, I´d love to have coffe with you.
    You inspire me so much,

    Love!
    Lucila

  • caro February, 11 2014, 11:55 / Reply

    du grand Garance:) humour, à propos, originalité et très belle illustration
    je dis : encore

  • Era February, 11 2014, 11:58 / Reply

    Yay Alexander Wang for hosting his show in BKlyn! Booo people for complaining about traffic. Public transportation always wins in bad weather and it won’t kill ya to take it just once.

  • Nini piccola February, 11 2014, 12:04 / Reply

    NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE FOR THE REST Of US who never get to go to fashion week…!!!
    Wahaha!!! Hope you re recovered!

  • lucie February, 11 2014, 12:16 / Reply

    Super post! mais Garance steu-pléé peut on avoir un article sur ce que tu n’as pas aimé niveau défilé, vêtement, nouvelles tendances…
    parce que moi les bottes Alexander Wang, non je peux pas.
    ah!

    Lucie

  • Judith A. Ross February, 11 2014, 1:19 / Reply

    I love this illustration and would also love to see it in your shop. With all the snow and cold in NYC right now, I doubt that this week’s “line up” will include sandals like this one — or maybe I’m naive?

  • M. la Mode February, 11 2014, 1:25 / Reply

    This post is so fun !
    Enjoy the rest of the Fashion Week

  • Maggie February, 11 2014, 1:28 / Reply

    Feel better soon. Nappie Time

  • Abi February, 11 2014, 1:39 / Reply

    Merci pour ce super article!
    A quand un petit concours pour pouvoir venir te rencontrer au Studio??!!!

  • alix de beer February, 11 2014, 2:08 / Reply

    Haha les grosses comères! A la limite du voyeurisme!! Mais c’est aussi ça cette nouvelle époque, culpabiliser d’aimer regarder ce que fait l’autre, mais tout de meme continuer à le faire!!
    Alixxx

    http://alixdebeer.com/

  • T in SF February, 11 2014, 2:50 / Reply

    So, Garance, what are these magical links so that the rest of us can enjoy fashion week as if we were there, too? :) Hope you feel better.

  • ReNika February, 11 2014, 2:57 / Reply

    I am amazed how could you write such a cool and funny article when you are sick, hard to believe you wrote just two words for your book :) Hope you feel better soon!

  • Clotilde February, 11 2014, 2:58 / Reply

    “Des bottules”! :D :D

  • Virginie/Mode9 February, 11 2014, 3:37 / Reply

    Oui, c’est exactement ce que l’on vit, derrières nos écrans…et pour être honnête, ça me va très bien. Parce que bien sur, c’est agréable d’assister aux défilés lorsque l’on est en front row, mais sinon c’est plutôt la plaie. Lorsque je bossais dans la mode et qu’il fallait attendre 2 heures avant d’entrer, lutter pour avoir une place à peu près correcte à l’intérieur, pour finalement ne voir que des morceaux de chaussures, étoffes & co. Courir entre 2 déflités, prendre le métro pour traverser Paris ou y aller en voiture et mettre 3 heures pour se garer…bref, on faisait souvent l’école buissonnière pour finir dans un troquet quelconque ! Et puis voir toutes ses fringues, pendant des jours et des jours…je finissais par être blasée et ne plus rien voir !
    http://www.mode9.fr

  • M February, 11 2014, 3:40 / Reply

    Such a shame you had to miss it in person, but sounds like you got a pretty good idea of what was going on thanks to that glorious creation, the internet.
    I’ll sadly be missing Fashion Week too here in London… Not that I’d have had the same access to events as you. If only!

    http://www.creataurus.co.uk

  • Colony February, 11 2014, 4:02 / Reply

    So, were you running a fever when you drew those Birks? Just kidding!!

    Feel better! Great post. I really want the Bazaar emojis ;)

  • Flo February, 11 2014, 4:19 / Reply

    Livestream freak : Je t’ai vu assise à côté de Scott au défilé Marc by Marc Jacobs ! Tu portais une chemise blanche, un jean blanc, des chaussures sparkling, une parka et du rouge à lèvres rouge ! #stalker #dontfreakout

  • Gigi February, 11 2014, 4:20 / Reply

    Pas drôle la gastro, mais très drôle ton post ;)

  • Sevan February, 11 2014, 4:26 / Reply

    J’ai eu les memes mules a talons (beiges) que celles sur la belle illustration.
    Garance, malgre la gastro, je vois que vous n’avez rien perdu de votre humour et de votre enthousiasme.
    Get well soon :=)

  • Tamara February, 11 2014, 4:37 / Reply

    Géniale comme d’habitude!!!!!! Merci pour tes histoires!!!! J’adore te lire!

  • MGF February, 11 2014, 5:29 / Reply

    Je suis MORTE-DE-RIRE :
    1. tellement français de justifier/expliquer ses symptômes, sa maladie
    2. en lisant la traduction, les anglo-saxons sont en train de se pincer le nez (“thx G, but we don need so many detaillllllls”)

  • Suzy February, 11 2014, 5:31 / Reply

    Does your middle name start with an “O”…?!?

    and remember to hydrate hydrate hydrate! don’t just drink plain water – drink some sports drinks to replenish all the electrolytes you lost in the picture you didn’t draw us!

  • Marina B. February, 11 2014, 6:40 / Reply

    J’aime beaucoup cette illustration. On a l’impression que tu dessines avec un stylo noir, ou une plume encre noir…. (???)
    Bonne nuit!))

  • Lynn February, 11 2014, 7:05 / Reply

    It might have been food poisoning!

  • Sophia February, 12 2014, 3:34 / Reply

    Great post. There is nothing worse than building up and getting excited about Fashion Week and then getting sick as soon as it all starts. It’s like when you were young and you eagerly anticipated your birthday only to make yourself sick on the day with all the nerves! Hope you get better. x

    http://www.girlinmenswear.com

  • Polina Z February, 12 2014, 3:45 / Reply

    I so understand you while going through pretty much the same stuff only without being in NY and Fashion week) So get better!!!! Sending only positive vibes your way) – and I believe that other one hundred billion people are doing the same thing) Hope you are back in the saddle and I get to enjoy your stories (which I always greatly do enjoy no matter what they are about) and this fashion craze in my far-far-far away town)))

  • Julia S February, 12 2014, 4:10 / Reply

    J’adore regarder les défilés en streaming !! Ca permet à la plèbe (dont je fais partie) de se sentir plus proche de l’univers modesque !
    Sinon en voyant ton “no bitching” ça m’a fait penser à Loic Prigent et à son GENIAL compte twitter, je ne sais pas si tu le suis, dans le doute : https://twitter.com/LoicPrigent Bonheur assuré, Loic is the best !

  • pinkschmink February, 12 2014, 5:56 / Reply

    Garance, this made me laugh so hard. I had the same thing happen to me during LFW last season, I totally get where you’re coming from!

  • Andrea February, 12 2014, 7:19 / Reply

    Garance ce post est tellement long que même à 100% de ma forme je n’aurais pas eu l’énergie de l’écrire. Donc je vous rassure vous n’étiez pas si malade que ça, si capable de pondre un truc pareil.

  • Cécile February, 12 2014, 8:13 / Reply

    en tout cas la gastro ne t’a pas fait perdre ton humour Garance !

  • Nathalie February, 12 2014, 9:42 / Reply

    I love your conversations with Alex, there always so fun. Hope you get well soon.

    http://www.adventuresinldn.wordpress.com

  • carole February, 12 2014, 10:25 / Reply

    i wondered where u were…..i enjoyed the Wang show in bed…texting my niece who was on her way.to the show

  • Denise February, 12 2014, 12:50 / Reply

    I do really enjoy your site and your talent but I respectfully make the observation that while I so enjoy fashion, I do sincerely believe that it is possible to leave God’s name out of references to one’s appreciation of material things. It is so unnecessary and so disrespectful to invoke his name to describe physical, material pleasures. We are asked to be so mindful of so many people’s feelings and politics and ethnicity and beliefs. Why not God? There is an entire dictionary of beautiful words. I say, let’s use our brains and use them! All of this is said in love and not hate! I do hope that you feel better now!

  • THa February, 12 2014, 2:11 / Reply

    This post is hilarious and is exactly what I am looking for when I come on your blog, love the crazy talk about gastro and its effects, here in Africa we talk about “gastro” the whole time, this is like having cold ;) Bisous

  • Alexandra February, 12 2014, 2:38 / Reply

    I hope you’re feeling better, Garance!! And I love hearing what you think of livestreams (as it has, thus far, been my only chance to view shows). And I’m embarrassed to admit, it took me a good long while to realize the Alex you were texting during the Wang show wasn’t Mr. Alexander Wang himself (I know you’re important, but I couldn’t figure out why he was writing to you during his own show!!).
    xx

  • andreavytlacilova February, 12 2014, 4:23 / Reply

    Oh dear, I am so sorry! Illnesses always come at the worst possible time. :( At least you relaxed a bit!

    ANDREA

  • Charline February, 13 2014, 6:41 / Reply

    Ton “Oui, nous avons vu que vous aviez apprécié notre Livestream donc cette saison voici un passe pour voir notre show… Depuis ton canapé connasse !!!” m’a tuée !!. J’adore, très drôle cet article, mais j’espère quand même que ca va mieux :)

  • Alex February, 15 2014, 4:27 / Reply

    Best post I’ve read on the blog in ages – not that anyone should have to endure stomach flu for a good, humorous post!

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