Sick during fashion week? Flu during an important event? Lame at the Saint Laurent show? Runny nose and no kleenex in the first row? It happens to the best of us (like – me).

Not to worry — I’ve tried EVERYTHING out for you during my (unforgettable) loser fashion week.

So here are eight ways to look chic even when you’re sick for the entire fashion week. You can adapt these suggestions for school, work, and your everyday life, or even the next Oscars, if you happen to be a blog reading actress. So here we go…

- Be organized. You’ll need medicine, vitamins, a bottle of water to take the medicine with, tissues (3 packs), powder to cover up your red nose, a mirror to make sure everything’s back in the right place after your last sneeze, and a t-shirt or placard saying “I’m not contagious!!!”

- If you are contagious, seriously, no, no, NO. Don’t go out. You could end up making sworn enemies.

- If you aren’t contagious, but want to be left alone, say: “I’m contagious!”

- As for fashion: You’ll need a big scarf and dark glasses. Red lips to trick the enemy. Heels if you can’t walk in flats (see post script)

- To Hug or Not to Hug: Decide in the morning whether it’s a hug day (you’re not contagious) or a no hug day (you’re contagious and blowing your nose a lot, ugh). There’s nothing worse than turning someone down (“Sorry, I can’t hug you m’y dear, I’m sick!) in front of someone you’ve just taken passionately in your arms and mixed germs with for sure. And yes, in small settings like that, you often run into the same people in the same day. Make sure you can keep your germs to yourself.

- If you’re limping (yes, that can also happen, see post script) keep going to shows, proving your determination, mental strength, and love for fashion. Find a man and use him as a cane. Look dignified.

- If you have something that makes you need to get up and go to the bathroom a lot, make it look like you just have a fascinating secret life. (A double life? A lover you’re sexting? Etc…)

- People will ask you how you’re doing to be polite, and you’ll really want to tell them all about your little body fluid problems (it’s one of the great mysteries of life — people just love going on and on about these things) but don’t be like me. Stay chic, don’t even talk about it.

- Blow your nose before the show. If you really need to blow your nose during the show, wait until the music starts. You should definitely not do it a few seconds before it starts — that’s when everyone is silent, and you risk being singled out. Don’t forget to look to the left, then to the right, to make sure you’re not the background of an unfortunate Instagram. Pray that the live stream camera isn’t fixed on you. If you’re sitting next to Rihanna (slim chance, but isn’t everything slim in fashion?) don’t blow your nose.

- And also, use the being sick thing to your advantage a little. You might as well make the best of all that suffering. Make sure to say: I’m so sick, but I couldn’t not see your collection. Blow your nose, and then go in with watery eyes. You have no idea how many points you’ve just earned.

Conclusion: Yeah, ok. Maybe it’s a little better to stay home in bed :)

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Post Script: Just in case you have nothing else to do today. If you’re stuck in bed, this is for you.

Because seriously, my fashion week this year was sick, LITERALLY.

There have been fashion weeks (ok, one maybe) where I’ve felt really on top of my game. I woke up every morning ready to take on the day, I had plenty of cool outfits to wear, I wanted to go out (almost) every night*, and during the day, I wanted to take tons of photos and tell you all about it — basically it was perfect, I had tons of energy, I loved it.

And then there was HORRIBLE FALL 2014 and frankly, from now on, we’ll be able to say there was a before FALL 2014 and an after FALL 2014.

This fashion week was awful, awful, awwwwwful.**

And honestly, I hate complaining so much (On the blog, anyway. Don’t worry, I annoy people in day-to-day life with my problems all the time. Especially Scott, poor guy, and they say you should try to keep the magic alive in relationships, hahaha) that I suffered everything in silence yesterday, through 35 trips to the pharmacy, 75 pitiful messages to my mom, and 156 crying emoticons, when the weirdest thing happened to me.

But before we get to that, let’s back up a little…I had:

The Stomach flu that decided to come during New York fashion week and forced me to watch the Alexander Wang show on live stream. And I didn’t even lose a pound, even though I really need to.***

The first time I went out after my flu, that is — after four days of being stuck in bed in zombie mode, I went straight out into the Polar Vortex **** which got the best of me. It was so cold that I got a back ache so bad I had to go see my healer three times***** so my back could relax and I could walk somewhat normally again.

As soon as I arrived in Paris, I had a car date ****** with my friend Violaine and when I told her my nose was running******, she laughed (yes, Violaine, you laughed!) Maybe because she’s so used to seeing me really healthy? I hope so.

By the next day, I was in bed shivering and sneezing and blowing my nose so much that the center of my face (my nose, basically) was about as red as Anna Dello Russo’s knee. Bad cold.

Ok, up to now, you’d say: that’s too bad, but it happens – it’s just a side effect of having the flu — it totally messes up your immune system, so you catch everything that’s going around. OK.

Obviously, even a nasty cold isn’t as bad as the flu, so I kept doing things, seeing shows, going to appointments, all with my head feeling like it was going to explode, and a bag full of Actifed. I even celebrated the launch of my new line of stationery at Colette (seriously, friends, thank you so much for coming, really <3 <3 <3) and afterward, I was so happy that I decided to celebrate with a mojito (ok, two) and with all the medication I was taking***** I ended up fall down drunk like Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars, but alone in the street.

And then YESTERDAY…

Yesterday – and listen carefully, because this is actually rare enough to be pretty remarkable – yesterday, I hurt my foot while I was wearing TENNIS SHOES. Yep. I was wearing a pair of white Nikes, the most comfortable shoes possible, and suddenly, aaaaaahrrrrghhh!!!

Extremely horrible sharp pain in my foot.

I limped all the way to my hotel, and wondered if it was time to say game over? Like Olympic athletes with no medal? Go home? And then I discovered that I can’t walk in flats anymore, but with heels, it’s ok.

So, what would you have me do?

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*Ok, one night.

** Yep, three awfuls.

*** Oh, come on, you know it’s true.

**** Americans are so good at coming up with names for things.

***** That’s my new LA thing. I’m seeing a healer now.

****** Not glamorous, but with the traffic jams, we had no choice.

****** Sorry.

***** Or maybe because I can NEVER hold my alcohol.

Translated by Andrea Perdue