The tale of my sometimes desperate attempts to achieve that easy, didn’t even try a little bit, cool, effortless, Parisienne hair…

It’s been quite the hair journey. My borderline obsession with the summer beach waves has turned into a full-blown obsession with the perfectly messy, ultra cool French girl hair. You know me, always wanting what I can’t and don’t have on my head…

Who have I been looking to for inspiration and encouragement? Lolita Jacobs, Emmanuelle Alt, Lou Doillon and Caroline de Maigret (and an honorable mention goes to Jared Leto, who isn’t French, but has really great hair lately).

I would say that I’ve dedicated the last… six months to trying to Frenchify my hair. Of course, you’re probably like, “What about that lovely French woman you work for? Can’t she help you?”

Answer: Not really. She’s curly and short and while it’s still very French, her tips don’t apply to my stick straight, boob-length hair.

So here, I present to you: everything I’ve tried thus far on my quest for ultra French hair…

1. The Spray, Mousse and Blow Dry: When I first started doing this combination, adding a volume mousse to wet hair, spraying with a sea salt spray and blow drying I really thought I had it. My hair had a slightly touseled look. I thought it was pretty effortless (three steps, not so bad) but my hair felt, well, pretty gross. No surprise there because I was putting salt in my hair and then shocking it with hot air. I had my hair cut one day and the stylist looked at me and said, “What is in your hair!?” I took that as a sign this was not the way to French girl hair. (I also realized that if I wanted to have one of those super passionate, hand through the hair makeout sessions, it wouldn’t be possible with all of these products in my hair. His hand would get stuck, it would probably gross him out and then I would have to go back on Tinder.)

2. The Spray, Dry and Curl: I ended up looking more like a Victoria’s Secret Angel than a Vogue editor during this trial. I would spray my hair when wet, dry it and then go to it with a wide barrel curling iron, in hopes of curling just the right random pieces. Turns out, I don’t do random curling all that well, so I ended up with a full head of loose curls and we all know, Gisele isn’t French. Step away from the hot tools…

3. The Spray and Bun:This one seemed like the easiest, so I was sure it was going to work. I added a salt spray to damp hair, twisted it into a bun and let it dry before undoing the bun with fingers crossed I’d have Blue Crush meets de Maigret hair. I ended up more often than not with a terrible knot to battle, which made this one actually fairly difficult (unless you have loads of time to devote to detangling).

4. The Spray, Twist and Pin: My best friend, who also happens to be my roommate, made the most fun of me for this one. I’d spray my hair with salt spray when damp and then twist it in to two sections which I would secure together with a hair tie just under my chin. My hope was that they would dry while twisted and then when I shook them out I’d look just like Lolita Jacobs. I looked more like a crazy person with a bad goatee. On to the next…

5. The Spray and Spray Again: This is the closest I may ever come. I spray my hair when damp with salt spray. It dries pretty fast, so about 10 minutes before I leave my house, I spray it again. This time I’m using a dry texturizer (right now I like Amika and Oribe) and it’s kind of, almost, really really close to being French. If I am brave enough to not wash my hair the next day (baby steps) it looks really good. For me, I have to sleep with my hair down, not up, for the best results.

I was feeling pretty confident until I came across this on Instagram. REALLY?!

caroline-de-maigret-instagram

THE WIND? ALL I NEED IS WIND?! It’s a conspiracy. It has to be.

So Frenchies, what are your tips? Do I need to come to terms with the fact that this just isn’t going to happen for me? Is it something in your water? Please, help!