I could spend my whole life in the bathtub, but since I don’t really have the time for that, I usually reserve baths for Sundays – and I won’t even tell you how big of a ritual it is for me.

Well, okay actually, you know how it goes : I am going to tell you.

Oh, I’m sorry to disappoint, but that’s not my bathtub in the photo. I am lucky to have a bathtub at home, but it’s more like size XS. I remember when I visited the apartment for the first time, I shrieked with joy when I saw the bathroom – totally unaware that sure, there was a bathtub, but as for the size, we were pretty much in dollhouse scale.
Then, when I drew my first bath, with bubbles and everything, I realized my legs were sticking out by about three feet, and my chest was pretty much completely out of the water.
Disappointment. Tears. Rage. Cold breasts.
And then I got used to it, actually.
But if you follow me on Instagram, you know how much I love to check out places with big bathtubs. Anyway – it’s one of my rituals.
In the photo, it’s our friend Caroline in the bathtub at Hotel on Rivington.

Okay, so, rituals.

1/ First of all – you have to have music. It’s super important. Jazz is good for bath – the Aretha Franklin station on Pandora, usually.

2/ Then you have to have a good selection of books and magazines. Nothing too precious okay? – they’re going to get humid and the pages will get puffy.

3/ Make sure you have a little towel next to the tub so you can dry your hands – otherwise your hands will be wet and you’ll ruin your magazines even more.

4/ Leave your phone in an other room. I know it’s hard. Put it on silent mode. Super hard.

5/ Time to run the water. If you decide to exfoliate with a Moroccan mitt (I’ll talk to you about that in a second), you shouldn’t put any bubble bath in the water, and make sure the water is very hot.

6/ Get  in the bath. Read some magazines while you let your skin soften slowly.

7/ STORY OF MY LIFE (#TMI) : EXFOLIATING WITH A MOROCCAN MITT
You probably already know this since I talk about it all the time, but my grandmother was Moroccan. So she obviously had bath science and when I was little, she would put me in the bath and scrub me carefully with her naked hands until all of my dead skin came off in the bath. I know – it doesn’t sound too pretty, but it’s a really beautiful act of love, and I adored those baths with her, especially afterward when my skin was soft for days.

And then I grew up and left home and had to find something else to replace my grandmother‘s hands, so I discovered Moroccan exfoliating mitts.

So, I scrub myself all over – from my heels to behind my ears and down to my lower back (I have very chic techniques for doing this) until I get the same result as with my grandmother, which is bathwater that’s uhhhh, mmmmm, GROSS, and skin that’s absolutely divine. I don’t do this every week. It’s more of a once a month thing, but it’s really my favorite ritual.

8/ Next you have to drain the bath and fill it up again. Otherwise, it’s pretty disgusting, kids. Ew. I apologize to the environmentalists out there about the two baths in one session story, but I have a tiny bathtub so it doesn’t count! And you can’t do the Moroccan mitt at the end since you need a clean water to do it.
So second round is when I put in my bath salts and bubble bath. I tend to prefer bubble bath over bath salts. I love bubbles. I have a bubble party all by myself in the tub.

9/ Shampoo. As usual.

10/ Hair mask – leave it on as long as possible.

11/ While I wait, I exfoliate my face with Fresh Sugar Face Polish – it’s so soft and smells divine.

12/ Face mask.

13/ While you let everything sit, do all the unmentionables – shaving, singing Dido, etc.

14/ And now the water is gross again. It’s time to switch to the shower.

15/ Shoot, I still haven’t even had time to read a magazine!!!

16/ Yeah, but it’s okay – my fingers are all wrinkled now so I’m going to have to get out.

17/ Time to dry my hands, reach for my phone, and change the Pandora station to Missy Elliott because a shower’s not a shower unless you dance and sing.

18/ Yes, I know. I lied.
I never manage to leave my phone behind. It’s not my fault!!! It’s because of Pandora!!!

19/ After I dry off, I use ultra rich hydrating cream to moisturize to the max.

20/ And then I collapse. I’ve been polishing my body every which way for an hour – it’s exhausting. Time for a nap.

Voilà !!!!

It’s a lot of work, right?
And to think that my mother took the bathtub out of her house because she prefers showers. Pfffff.

Translated by Andrea Perdue