Do you have to go dressed up to a dressed up party?

(Not talking naked parties here, uh, I’m talking about parties where “black tie” is written on the invitation.)

You know the parties where you know everyone is going to be totally chic and you have to make a good impression and you know you’re definitely going to get your photo taken? How we supposed to deal with that?

- Solution number 1 : Go buy a dress right away poof! Just like that. That’s when you’re stressed about the party you don’t care about anything else, anything like the fact that you’ll be broke for the next 10 years.

But that never works for this kinda thing, because now, not only are you penniless for the next 10 year but goodness gracious, ahhh to be a socialite, the second you get photographed in a dress, never again do you dare put it on. It’s a beast but it’s true.

(That’s just how it goes. I’m not the one who makes the rules of black-tie. I’d like to REmake them for sure. Aha! Next post should be a manifesto of black-tie parties, well, a manifesto against.)

(It’s the worst in New York too, which has to be the last city on earth to keep this up so seriously. Even in Paris, you see black-tie, you toss on a pair of jeans and some high heels, but ohhhh, in New York, you gotta have the cocktail dress or even more crazy : evening gown.)

So yeah, go broke for a dress you’re only gonna wear once, not so much.

- Or maybe just hide from photographers, which is none to easy in this era so twitterified and facebooked.

- Or you could just NOT GO to the party, which usually ends up being my decision, seeing as I definitely prefer to throw down some vodkas, nice and easy with my friends at a bar.

- Or just borrow a dress.

This is how that usually works:

Garance to the PR : “Hello? It’s Garance, I’ve got a party tonight and we’re in panic mode. I’ve got nothing to wear. You have a dress you can lend me?”

(So yeah, you have to know the PR first. You can’t just come outta nowhere and start calling PRs, unless you know them or you are the daughter or son of someone a little bit famous, which uis not so rare nowadays, if you think a second about it)

—> Response: “Of course, my dear (generic nickname for  everyone who works in fashion), I’ll courrier you (a nice guy rings at your door with the bag) a shopping (that’s what we say in France, it means a selection on clothes, it’s cute, cause it’s the contrary of shopping, no ?).”

(The wonderful world of fashion.)

(I know. I’m sorry. That sounds totally snobby. You can go ahead and say that I don’t live in real life, but I mean, I’ve gotta tell you stuff about my life, even though it’s not real.)

(but seriously, you’ll see in a second, the fairy tale stops there!)

Okay. The selection arrives, lots d tissue paper strewn about and then bam, fairy tale over. —>

- OF COURSE. HOW COULD I FORGET. THE SAMPLE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ME. Well shit.

- Not a single one fits.

- Okay, one dress kinda fits but I don’t look at all like myself. Like, not at all. Ahhhh! Who is that girl in the mirror ’cause it sure ain’t me.

- So normally, that whole episode above takes about two hours where I’m hoping in and out of outfits that don’t look at l like me and it all ends with tears and cursing the fashion world and the sample size which is a size 0 (why do you think everyone in the fashion world is so thin? — except me — well… To fit in the sample size, of course), Okay, ive spared you the worst of my moments in front of the mirror, but if you really are interested, I can do a whole post for you just on that.

* Important to note here as well that when you can’t fit in the sample size you start reflecting on borrowing in general and how none of them are your real outfits so it would be impossible for it to be your true style, so bottom line is that it’s totally cheating.

NB: If you actually can fit in the sample size, I’m pretty sure you find it amazing and that everything is so totally your style. Well, at least I imagine that to be the case.

- So, no, borrowing is a TERRIBLE choice.

So you can also go in one of your normal outfits. Which generally is what I end up doing. It’s not the greatest but it’s classy enough, a little too often the same stuff, it’s the middle road, you get it. In other words, it’s simple.

But just so everyone knows, simplicity can bring you a lot of respect. ( “oh, you do faithful to simplicity. What minimalism, such an eye, such style!” ) And the photographers keep their distance preferring more fashiony outfits – did you know that at a lot of parties, there is someone who is specially hired just to run around and ask everyone who they’re wearing? – And so with all that, you’re pretty much guaranteeing yourself a quiet and pleasant evening.

Looking at it, if before I even get there I’m looking to have a quiet and pleasant evening, the question begs itself as to WHY I’m going to the black-tie party in the first place.

Well, as Anna Dello Russo said to me at the Vogue masquerade ball – where she could barely breathe and almost collapsed under the weight of her gigantic hairdo (you wanna see a photo I took with my iPhone or do you know the outfit I’m talking about?) – what’s the point of coming to these parties if not to make an entrance?

That night, she came to the party, didn’t even have a drink, got photographed from every angle imaginable and then off she went about a half hour later, pretty as a princess. And then the next day, who was all the fashion websites covering? Anna Dello Russo, haha! —> Mission make-an-entrance accomplished! (This woman is a genius, lemmie tell you.)

And a few weeks before, we were having a few quiet drinks with Anna, Aurora, and Viviana in a little bar in Milan. We were joking around, dressed totally normally, even miss ADR, who totally knows the best time to have a good laugh and enjoy herself –> at the bar, with her friends.

Definitely more there than at some masquerade ball or some black-tie event.

And here’s why I’ve reformulated my initial question as such:

Do you go to the party JUST to get dressed up (and to make an entrance)? And if that’s the case, which option above do you chose (buy, borrow, or go au natural and hide from the photographers and wear the same dress more than once, or do you take it to the extreme à la ADR – no I don’t actually think I could pull it off.) What would you do?

Translation : Tim Sullivan

At the time I’m writing to you, I’m sprawled out on my couch, bundled up in a sweater and tights. AND I HATE TIGHTS.

- I just don’t like putting them on. My mama taught me to start with the feet and bring ‘em up nice and slow. It’s gotta be like in all the commercials, a moment of blissful feminine intimacy, but more often than not, you end up hearing, “Sh**!!! Another run!” – Yeah, even opaque tights. What? You’ve never gotten a run in a pair of opaque tights? You must be a friend of my mother’s.

- But then also, I’m a little weird. Warning, you’re about to enter my brain: For me, black tights ADD ANOTHER COLOR. It’s not like all the girls who still have their sanity who say it’s neutral. That hey, who cares? Black doesn’t count. But still, it creates a problem in my style equation. So like, if I have a green skirt and a grey sweater with black tights, OUH NO NO TOO MANY COLORS. THAT DOESN’T WORK. And then A BLACK COLLAR WITH SHOES THAT ARE A DIFFERENT BLACK, EMERGENCY! I pretty much have a fashion panic attack. For a while after, grey tights were a great psychological crutch, but now, it’s totally SOOO 2007. I just can’t. I told you I’m a little weird.

- I’ve just started getting used to the idea of tights with shorts. For me, until now, associating the two seemed almost as paradoxical as leggings with shorts (and those will always be paradoxical. Let’s not get carried away here.)

- And tights are complicated. What happens when you want to go to the bathroom? What do you do then? You pick up your skirt and take down your tights? What’s with this acrobat stuff? I just gotta pee!!!

- Yes OF COURSE I’VE TRIED those tights that keep themselves up. Okay, with that, two things:

little a) My skirts are too short. You see the little lacy top of the tights. I love walking around in a little micro thing, but at the same time, I’m not up for street-walking either, if you follow. This isn’t Zahm, ohhh SNAP!

little b) They’re always sliding down! And yes, definitely, tights that are supposed to keep themselves up are constantly sliding down. You can try to think to the contrary. But then give the secret address of your supplier. Otherwise, they’re constantly sliding down and always at the wrong time. And this is why I… :

little b -2) I tested out some garters for you (Yep! I figured before I became a T-Rex, I should try for a few years to be a real woman, right?). And so here listen, no seriously listen, Dita Von T., queen of the blissful femininity and sublimity:

Not only will they drive you nuts, but on top of that, they’re incredibly difficult to get on. SO, when the time comes in your life when you want to be a little classier (like, yeah, well wait, I’m not really the type to wear those vulgar come-hither tights, yeah baby, ooo look at my garter), you’ll be pretty embarrassed sitting there staring at your crotch trying to get this damned clasp in place.

And don’t even think you’ll be able to get it together really quick in the bathroom because that’ll be a total WALK OF SHAME as your tights are completely turned around and stuck. And normally, this’ll happen the night when you’re at the Château Marmont and George Clooney is sitting just in front of you and his eyes won’t BE IN HIS NESPRESSO, the fool!

Okay, I’ve gotta let you go now. I’ll remind you that I’m on my couch and that I’m wearing tights, and THAT IT’S SNOWING IN PARIS… And so yeah, for the moment, I haven’t found anything better when it’s negative 12 celsius outside to wear with our skirts , shorts and sweater-dresses  Pffff, so if I hear myself correctly, I gotta get going to a warmer country… ;-)

Translation : Tim Sullivan