My friends are crazy, CRAZY about guys with beards.

I like beards well enough. I went out with a guy who had a beard for seven years, and I adored him, but now, enough is enough. First of all, in New York, ALL guys have beards. They’ve figured it out. It attracts the girls like bees to honey – and hey, why should they deprive themselves?

-They only have to look good from the cheeks up.
-They don’t have to shave.
-They can look like they’re from Brooklyn even if they live in the Financial District.

(Ok, who knows what the hell I’m talking about, but just stick with me here, we have to revolt.)

Interlude PG13 / A friend of mine who was dating a guy with a beard told me about a phenomenon that’s not getting enough media attention – the Brooklyn Rash. It’s this thing that happens after a crazy night with a bearded guy. Rash up, and rash down, if you get the idea. Thoughts on the subject?

Anyway, the point is – my friends are crazy about guys with beards and tattoos, but girls, not all guys with beards and tattoos are good. I’m serious – we make fun of modelizers, but now we’ve literally got an epidemic of beardizers on our hands.

And by the way, my dear beardizer friends, I have to ask all the questions that would like guys to ask about them: Is there a personality somewhere in there? A heart? A spark of smart? Hmmm?

Silly beardizers.

PS: The illustration is by Jon Dyer.